


Forbidden

by Loki_Demon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-03-23 10:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3764131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Demon/pseuds/Loki_Demon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A detention gone awry leads to an unlikely friendship formed in the middle of the Forbidden Forest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I am neither British, nor was I alive during the 70’s, so I’m not even going to pretend that the dialogue between Hope and Regulus captures the fact that they are and were. Related: robes are for losers, muggle clothes for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Podfic: http://vocaroo.com/i/s1VlrK0JL7WE

**Chapter 1**

  
As a general rule, Hope avoided Regulus. He was a year younger than her, but he was a Black and he was intimidating. Hope had already had the pleasure of being on the wrong end of his older brother’s anger and Regulus looked as though he could be just as destructive. He had a calm coldness about him that contrasted with his brother’s hot fury, but both spoke of trouble for Hope. As an open and proud Muggle-born, she knew better than to even risk time in his presence.

Today, though, Hope had the misfortune of running into Regulus on her way to the dungeons and she was not quick enough in her attempts to redirect her path. She heard him call her name as she turned away.

“Caldwell! Got somewhere important to be?”

Hope turned back around to face him. “No, nowhere.” She mentally cursed herself for her lame response as Regulus raised his eyebrows at her.

“No? Do you frequently run off with nowhere to go?”

Hope flushed. “I’m just trying to find a place to study, ok?”

“By all means. Don’t let me stop you from studying in the dark. I’ve no interest in carrying on a conversation with the house mudblood.”

“I’m not letting you! You’re the one who called to me!”

Regulus smirked. “You’re getting needlessly hysterical. You’re perfectly capable of walking away.”

“I tried to! Ugh! I don’t want to talk to you either! Just leave me alone!”

At this point, Regulus was laughing at Hope’s rapidly escalating frustration and anxiety, which only brought her closer to the verge of tears. “You’re such an arrogant bastard! You’re just like your stupid brother.”

Regulus stopped laughing. Hope didn’t have time to process what was happening before she felt a sharp pain on the side of her face and stumbled backwards. “Shut up, you intolerable cow. You can very well stay away from me.”

  
Hope blinked. He had punched her. Punched her! With his fist. Like a muggle. As he started to walk past her, though, the shock of the situation faded and her anger boiled back up. He had just fucking punched her! She reached out and grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled. Years of frustration over the torment she suffered at the hands of Sirius Black came back to the surface as she lashed out as his baby brother.

It wasn’t a fair fight. Regulus was easily twice as strong as her and had her pinned with his wand to her throat in an instant. None of that mattered when it came to the doling out of punishment though. Detention for a week for both of them.  
The Black brothers, thought Hope as she huffed angrily back to the dungeons holding ice against her eyes, are guaranteed trouble.

* * *

It was a brisk night in November when Hope marched down to Hagrid’s cabin for her detention. Even under her five layers of clothing she felt a chill. “It figures,” she thought grumpily. “They send me on outdoor detention in the dead of winter. I’m literally going to die tonight because of stupid fucking Black.”

When she arrived she found Regulus scowling, clearly not any happier about this than she was. “You’re late,” he hissed at her. “How do you even function when you cannot even arrive on time.”

  
Hope bit her tongue as Hagrid explained that they were to collect wormwood for Slughorn in the Forbidden Forest. She wasn’t going to let him bait her again. So she trudged into the Forest silently cursing the younger Black. “We’re not just going to look in the same spot, right? Can I go off on my own?”

Hagrid was hesitant to let her go, but she assured him that she would be within shouting distance and he let her go. She was a seventh year after all; she could handle herself. And she was happy to be away from Regulus.

It wasn’t as if Hope was stupid. She didn’t risk her life, she was no Gryffindor. She didn’t wander off into risky situations with a false assurance that she would be alright if she just conquered fear. Fear was an appropriate adaptive response, and Hope was well aware of that. Healthy fear kept you alive. She wasn’t stupid, she reasoned. The school was stupid for sending two kids into a forest that was literally named “Forbidden” because students weren’t allowed in it. At night. Surely her parents would have something to say about the situation.

As aware as Hope was, she was nevertheless lost. She didn’t remember going far into the Forest and could have sworn that she was only a few yards away from Hagrid and Regulus. But when she walked back to where she last saw them she found no one. No one responded to her screams. The more she looked for them the more hopelessly lost she was.

Frustrated, frightened, and miserable, Hope finally gave up and sat down. “HAGRID!” She screamed at the top of her lungs. “WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?!”

She jumped as she felt someone’s hands on her mouth. “Be quiet,” Regulus snarled in hushed tones. “You’re only letting it know where we are.”

Terrified she turned to him. “Letting what know?”

“The manticore,” he hissed.

Hope shivered as she noticed the gash on his left leg. As desperately as she tried to reassure herself that manticore were not native to Britain and almost definitely not in the forest, she couldn’t deny that they were in danger of something. She started to sob...quietly.


	2. Slytherins Stick Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am neither British, nor was I alive during the 70’s, so I’m not even going to pretend that the dialogue between Hope and Regulus captures the fact that they are and were. Related: robes are for losers, muggle clothes for everyone.

**Chapter 2**

“For fuck’s sake!” Regulus hissed. “Be quiet!”

Hope hiccuped and covered her own mouth, looking at Regulus with silently pleading eyes. In this moment she was desperate, willing to rely on her classmate who seemed to know more than she did. Regulus just stared at her. “Muffliato,” he whispered.

Hope looked at him and hiccupped again. Regulus rolled his eyes. “You can talk now. It’s a silencing spell.”

She didn’t have anything to say. She just kept hiccuping and looking over at him, silently hoping that he’d lead her to Hagrid and everything would be fine. She did her best to ignore the obvious injuries that Regulus had suffered and chalk it up to karma. They would still be out of here alive, she reasoned. This was all just a huge overreaction on her part.

“So, you know how to get out of here, right?” Regulus asked gruffly.

“N--n--no. I don’t even know where we are.”

Regulus narrowed his eyes. “Figures.”

“What can you get us out of here then?”

“I could. But I can hardly walk.”

“So which way are we meant to go?”

Regulus gestured vaguely to the north. “That way’s the castle. Just get me there, alright? And then we can be free of each other.”

Instead of navigating him safely home, however, Hope just continued to sit and sob, crying in earnest now that the silencing spell had been cast. “Oh for the love of Merlin...”

Wiping her tears and trying to collect her dignity, Hope asked,“What happened?”

“I was attacked by a manticore. Got seperated from Hagrid. And you were already wandering off on your own. You know, I didn’t have to come find you. No one would blame me if I left you to die here. It was your choice to go off in the Forbidden Forest on your own.”

Hope continued to cry, which only added to Regulus’ frustration. “Listen. If you don’t get yourself together we are both going to die out here. Do you understand that? You need to get back to the castle and you need my help.”

“I-I-can’t make it back. I don’t even know where to g-go.”

“I just told you where to go. If you honestly cannot manage to walk in that direction on your own then I will just go by myself.”

Regulus attempted to stand and walk away from her, but he could only make it a few steps before he had to stop and lean on a nearby tree for support. Hope watched him in a daze, still sitting on the ground, paralyzed by shock. Regulus was determined though. He wanted to get out of the Forest alive before morning, so he took a deep breath and limped forward another few steps. He slowly continued walking away, wincing in pain every now and again, After a few minutes he had almost forgot about Hope, distracted by the effort of walking, and he nearly cursed her when he felt her arm on his hand.

“Sorry,” Hope whispered. “I just--can I help? I don’t think you should be walking on that leg. You’re going to make it worse.”

“Got any better ideas then?”

Hope shrugged. “I don’t have any healing spells mastered. I could make a potion, if I had my cauldron...it would take a bit anyway, and I’d have to leave you.”

“Then I’m walking.”

“You’re not going to make it out. All you’re doing is wasting your energy, it’s stupid. You’ll collapse halfway through and die of blood loss. So I think you should stop.”

Regulus glared at her, but had to concede to her point. Sheer force of will was not enough to get him out of the Forest. Staying where they were, though, seemed equally dangerous.

“The one thing I am good at is protecting spells. So we can sit for a while. Come up with a plan. Ok?” When Regulus didn’t respond, she shrugged and pulled out her wand. “Protego Totalum.”

Regulus raised his eyebrows, impressed that she could pull off such an advanced spell, but quickly hid his admiration when she turned to him with a pleased expression. She was clearly showing off and Regulus refused to indulge in it. Undeterred, she looked almost cheerful as she offered her arm to him to help him sit down. He simply stared at her outstretched arm for a moment before sitting down on his own.

Hope wavered a bit, but sat down beside him. “What are we going to do?”

“I have no earthly idea. You are the one who insisted on a new plan. It’s your fault we are in this mess to begin with.”

“It certainly isn’t! I would have found my way back on my own by now if I didn’t have a cripple to look out for.”

“Oh is that so? Because I thought you c-couldn’t make it back. You j-just didn’t know where to g-go.”

Hope stayed silent for a moment, her face twisted in anger. His mimicking of her stung a bit and only made her want to start crying again. She took a deep breath before she spoke again. “Fuck you, Black. I’ll just walk myself back to the castle and we can see how you do alone out here without my protection!”

“Fine, go!”

“Fine, I will! I’m going!”

Regulus sat and watched her get up and storm away. After walking a few feet, she turned back to him, her face beet red. “Which way did you say we should go again?” He smirked at her. “Oh whatever, I’ll figure it out on my own.”

“Enjoy,” he replied coolly. After she left, he looked down at his leg. It really did look bad, and should probably be bandaged to prevent more blood loss. He pulled the scarf off his neck and wrapped it tightly around while he considered his options. Most of them ended with a large chance of death or horrible injury at the end, but walking still seemed like his best option. Just as he was starting to stand back up, he heard Hope running back towards him.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, crying again. “I’m being such an asshole. I freaked out. You piss me off. But you’re hurt and you’re literally going to die out here, I’m not just going to--fuck, I’m sorry. Slytherins stick together. Right?”

She extended her hand out to him once again and Regulus eyed her warily. Finally he nodded his head and shook her hand. Self-preservation required teamwork and Slytherins were meant to stick together. Even if she was a mudblood.

 *    *   *

It took all night for Hope to collect all the ingredients she needed to heal Regulus’ leg. Finding dittany was a must, and doable in the forest, but she also hoped to find something to numb the pain. Her first three ideas were thrown out either because it was impossible or unlikely that she would be able to find the ingredients in the forest or she couldn’t remember all the ingredients and steps. She settled on making essence of dittany and a Burning Bitterroot Balm. Both were fairly simple and composed mostly of plant-life that was found on the forest floor.

The sun was starting to rise when she found her way back to Regulus--this time she truly hadn’t wandered out of shouting distance--still sitting within her shield charm. He was leaning against a tree, sleeping. Hope ducked back into the shield and went to work putting together a makeshift cauldron and making the potions.

It was well into the morning when she finished. When she finished, she untied the scarf around Regulus’ leg and slowly unwrapped it. She winced when she saw how deep the long slash that ran from a few inches above his knee to his calf. His pants were ripped to shreds around it. Cringing a bit, she started rubbing dittany over the wound.

With any luck, she thought, he would be ready to walk in a couple of hours and they could finally get out of here.


	3. Eat, You'll Feel Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am neither British, nor was I alive during the 70’s, so I’m not even going to pretend that the dialogue between Hope and Regulus captures the fact that they are and were. Related: robes are for losers, muggle clothes for everyone.

**Chapter 3**

Regulus was still half asleep when he felt a cool, pleasant sensation on his upper thigh. He sighed and murmured something incoherent, before reaching out and touching the hand on his leg, nudging it upward slightly. It was ripped away with such force that Regulus woke up completely. Opening his eyes, he became aware of a bright red faced Hope with her hand covered in some kind of solution that was smeared across the now healing cut on his leg. He groaned and sat up, remembering where he was.

“Morning,” he grumbled. He tried standing up and found that it was not at all painful. “Thank you.”

“Uh...you’re welcome. I was just...didn’t want to wake you.”

Regulus smirked a bit at Hope’s discomfort. “Don’t worry, it’s not the first time someone’s tried to take advantage of me while I was sleeping.”

He had meant it as a light-hearted and cocky joke, but he had never really gotten the hang of the self-assured humor that seemed to come so easily to Sirius and, judging by the horrified look on Hope’s face, this was no exception. “I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to--”

He waved a hand to silence her. “Relax. I don’t mind.”

“Oh.”

This seemed to have quieted her, which gave Regulus time to get his thoughts in order. They were in the middle of the Forbidden Forest. He actually had no idea how to get out or which direction they should be going. The fact that they had not been found overnight did not bode well--it meant that they didn’t have any way of magically tracking or finding them or that whatever they were doing wasn’t working. They had no food or water and the magical ability of a 16 and 17 year old, respectively. Hope seemed to know her potions and shield charms well and Regulus was good at defense, but he still doubted they’d last long out here. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair absentmindedly.

“Are you hungry?” Hope asked quietly, interrupting his thoughts.

“What?”

“Are you hungry? I’ve got--do you want something to eat?”

“Yeah, ‘course I’m hungry. What’ve you got?”

Hope grinned as she looked through her pockets. Regulus’ face lit up a bit at the notion of food and she had never heard him speak so informally. “I’ve got...some Honeydukes chocolate...crackers...peanut butter...and, uh, peanuts. Oh, and a banana. It’s got a bit squished though. What do you want?”

Regulus watched her pull food out of her pockets in astonishment. “Do you regularly walk around with that much food in your pockets, Caldwell?”

Hope shrugged. “Yeah, pretty much. I brought the banana because I was hungry, but then I forgot about it. The rest of this stuff, yeah, it’s just in my pockets all the time pretty much.”

“Why?”

“Uh, well, I don’t know. I like to have chocolate on hand. You know, just in case. And then I just...I guess I just pick up food when I’m hungry and forget that it’s there.”

“Why don’t you just...eat it?”

“Oh, I mean--I just don’t.”

Regulus raised his eyebrow but he didn’t say anything. Instead he reached for the container of peanut butter and crackers. After eating a little over half he glanced up and held them out to Hope. Hope shook her head. “You’re not going to eat?”

“No, I’m fine. I’m not hungry.”

“You brought the banana because you were hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“So last night you were hungry and now you’re fine? Did you have more food in your pockets?” he asked incredulously.

Hope looked annoyed. “I’m not hungry. You are. Just eat.”

“What, so you can tell me I’m not allowed to walk but I can’t tell you to eat?”

“I told you you would die if  you tried to walk away. It was your choice whether or not you wanted to do it. You think I’ll die if I don’t eat some crackers? Fine. Here, I’ll eat some fucking crackers.”

“Merlin, you really do get hysterical,” Regulus muttered.

“I do not get hysterical! I just don’t see why it’s a big deal if I’m not hungry.”

They sat in silence for a while as Hope at two of the crackers and put all the remaining food back in her pockets. When she was finished she looked over to Regulus. She opened her mouth, about to apologize, and then changed her mind. “I can fix your pants. I know a spell. So you won’t be cold.”

“Er, yes. Great.”

Hope muttered the spell and then stood up. “I just thought you could use the energy. You bled a lot.”

*     *     *

They walked in silence for most of the morning. After what felt like an eternity, Hope asked for a break. Regulus nodded curtly and they sat down for a while. Hope pulled out her food again and offered it to Regulus, eating the banana as he finished the rest of the peanut butter and crackers and started on the chocolate.

“We’re really lost, right?”

Regulus looked up. “No. We’ll be back in no time.”

“It’s been hours. I don’t remember walking this much into the forest. It shouldn’t take so long to get out of here.”

“We need water,” was all Regulus said in reply.

Hope nodded. “That’s no problem. Aguamenti, you know how to do that?”

Regulus nodded. “Right. Of course.”

Hope beamed at him again in that “I was smart, aren’t you proud way”, but Regulus avoided her smile. Apparently re-energized by her own cleverness, Hope lept from the ground after drinking some water and said, “Alright, you ready to keep going?”

Regulus slowly stood up and wiped the dirt off his clothes before continuing on in the general direction that seemed like the way to the castle. After a few more minutes, Hope turned to him and said, “So like...what is it you think of me exactly?”

“Of you? Very little.”

“Well, I mean, of muggle-borns and such. Do you hate us? Or just think you’re better than us or what? You don’t seem as--you don’t give me as much trouble as I expected.”

“I do apologize.”

Hope laughed. “No, no. I just was curious.”

“I was raised to believe that you are less capable than I. That you need more guidance and control. That you are, in general, a weaker person.”

Hope snorted. “Well, weaker isn’t wrong. I think you already proved that I’m weaker. But you were raised? What do you think?”

“I think that my family knows what they’re talking about.”

“Ooookay...but you’re still talking about it like the thoughts belong to your family. Not you. Do you believe that I’m less capable?”

Regulus was quiet for a few moments. “Yes.”

“Mmm. Well I’m not. In case you were curious.”

“I was not.”

“How come you’re not mean to me and everything then?”

“It does not benefit me to be unkind to you if you don’t merit it. You haven’t been a bother recently.”

“So it’s because you need me to help? You know I’m going to help you out anyway. Slytherin brethren and stuff. Plus, I don’t think I could actually leave someone to die out here.”

“Again, I do apologize.”

“You’re kind of a pain in the ass, you know that?”

Regulus raised his eyebrows at her. “Do you imagine that you’re a walk in the park?”

“Nah, more like a walk in the forest.” Hope flashed another I’m-so-clever smile at him that gave him the urge to slap it off her. He just looked away and didn’t respond.

They were silent once again for a little while, but Hope appeared unable to stop talking for long. “Your brother wasn’t so polite.”

Regulus still didn’t respond.

“He was rather nasty to me, actually. It’s been a nice having him gone. I guess you probably know, though. You had to live with him. Must have been nice not to have to see him all the time.”

“Sirius is...not the most well-mannered person.”

“Do you apologize?” She smirked.

“I do not. I have no need to apologize for his actions.”

“Mmm. Well, anyway, he pretty much made it a point to say something rude to me every time I saw him. Not because I was muggle-born, I’m pretty sure he didn’t know me well enough to know that. I was just Slytherin and hung out with one of his friends, so I was obviously pure evil. Or something. You don’t make me feel like I’m literally the most worthless person in the world the way he did, though, so I was just wondering if you were really as, you know, intense about things like that.”

“You talk a lot.”

“I do. Talking is better than walking in silence and wondering how long it will take for us to die in here. And I’m curious. I have a healthy curiosity. Do you hate Sirius then?”

“I do not.”

“Hmm. Aren’t you s’posed to, though? Because he’s all Gryffindor-y and whatever? I hate him. With the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. And I’m not even a pureblood. I just think he’s an ass. You know, he hit me once. I don’t remember why--”

“Was it because you wouldn’t stop talking?”

Hope laughed a little too loudly. “It wasn’t. I don’t think. I just thought it was funny. You two are supposed to be above muggle stuff, right? But when you got frustrated you hit me instead of hexing me.”

Regulus didn’t respond.

“Ok. Well fine. So if you don’t hate Sirius, what do you--why not? Do you miss him?”

“Honestly, can we not do this?”

“Well, if you don’t contribute I’m just going to talk about myself.”

“You do that then.”

“Hmm. Well. So I hope we get out of here alive. We have a match against Ravenclaw coming up, of course you know. The team needs you there and we need that victory. Slytherin has won the House Cup every year I’ve been here and this is my last year, so I’m really pulling for a win. I’ve never really been a sports person, so I have to admit that I’ve been to a game, but my friend Antoinette--do you know Antoinette? Casielle? Anyway, Antoinette says you’re a superstar.”

“I know Casielle. She--that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Mmm. She’s a bit sweet on you.”

“I’m aware.”

“But you are good, right?”

“Naturally.”

“Everyone’s been raving about you since you made the team. They call you our Slytherin hero.”

Regulus nodded.

“I don’t really like talking to myself.”

“You’re welcome to stop.”

“I’m just hoping you’ll contribute more.”

“I won’t.”

“It’s going to be really boring. And we might as well get to know each other before we die out here.”

“We’re not going to die.”

“We’re definitely going to die. I’m pretty sure I already froze to death.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“You don’t make any sense.”

Regulus glared at her. Hope grinned. She was like a little puppy with far too much energy. For someone running on no sleep and next to no food, Regulus had no idea how she managed to keep plastering that obnoxious smile on her face. She grated on her nerves, but she was a distraction from the hunger, exhaustion, and anxiety that might otherwise overwhelm him.

 

 


	4. Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex happens in this chapter. It's not terribly explicit. Your normal, everyday, run of the mill smut. You have been warned. Also, the usual disclaimer.

**Chapter 4**

They had been lost for two days and two nights and they were both getting incredibly frustrated. Hope was barely able to walk anymore--despite his protests, she had let Regulus eat almost all the food they had. Thinking that they would be out of the woods--literally--any moment now, Regulus hadn’t paced himself and was feeling quite weak himself. Additionally, they were both bruised and scratched from the various dangers the forest held--spiders, bowtruckles, tree branches and roots that came to life, and mud that stung and burned their ankles, among other things. No one had found them and they seemed to get farther and farther from finding their own way out every day.

“We’re going to die out here,” Hope moaned. “We’re going to die. We’re going to die. I’m so cold. We’re going to die. I’m freezing cold. And I’m going to die.”

“We’re not going to die,” Regulus said gruffly.

Hope nodded her head solemnly. “Die. We’re dying.”

“We aren’t dying.”

“We’re dying. My mom is going to be so mad. She’s going to be so upset when it turns out I died. Oh my god, my brother. My baby brother, he’s going to be all alone in this world. With parents. And my other two siblings. But...he’ll be Hopeless.”

Regulus stared at her. She gave him a half-hearted smile.

“Your parents will probably kill everyone when they find out Hogwarts got you killed, no?”

He shrugged. “Unlikely.”

“From what I’ve heard about the Black family, they’re the type to take any excuse to kill everyone, even if they don’t...you know…”

“Even if they don’t what exactly?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing. I just think it’ll be terrible when we die, that’s all.”

“Well, luckily we’re not going to die.”

“Ok. But we so are. Are you not cold? I’m so cold.”

That night they managed to kill a niffler and cook it (Hope’s friend had insisted on teaching her the spells to kill, skin, and clean animals, in case a situation just like this arose, something she had felt certain she would never actually put to use until now), so they at least had something to eat. Regulus refused to eat more than half of it and stared at Hope until she ate her half, thinking about how useless she would be if she passed out and he had no help and a half-dead girl to try and care for. She seemed less reluctant to eat than she had before and once she got started she had scarfed down her food in minutes.

They both felt a bit sick from eating so much so quickly after eating next to nothing for days, but it was worth it to have a full feeling in their stomachs once again. Hope transformed the leaves on the ground to cushions to sleep on and they crawled into bed, exhausted.

Just as Regulus was about to sleep he heard Hope start to cry again. “What is it now?” he asked sharply.

“Fuck you,” Hope replied. After a pause she added, “I really am quite cold. Do you think we’ll freeze to death?”

“You can’t be that cold. You have more layers on than I do.”

“But I am that cold, I really am. I’m not going to be able to sleep like this, my whole body is shaking. I think I’m going to die.”

“You always think that you’re going to die. And you’re always cold. That’s nothing new. Just go to sleep.”

Hope scooted closer to him. “Can’t. Too cold. See? I’m shivering.” When Regulus didn’t respond she moved even closer to him until they were laying right next to each other and she could feel the warmth of his body. “This is better,” she murmured.

Regulus still didn’t respond, but he didn’t move away either, so Hope lay her head on his chest and curled up against him. Her whole body really was shaking, he could feel her struggling to keep it still. And it was, admittedly, quite cold out; it felt nice to have her body on top of his. He reached out his arm to pull her closer and wrapped it around her waist.

Breathing a bit quicker than he normally would, he moved his hand under her five layers of clothing and touched the bare skin on her stomach. Hope winced a bit at how cold his hands were, but said nothing. They were probably going to die out here, Regulus reasoned, and she was pretty and there. Did it matter so much that she was a muggle-born? And annoying as fuck? It would shut her up, at any rate.

He continued to caress her stomach and then moved his hand towards her back and into her pants, his other hand tangled in her hair. She gasped slightly as he grabbed her ass, his heart pounding against her ears. Not hearing any objections, he continued to touch and caress her body, his hand finally coming to rest gripped against the front of her pants. Moaning softly, Hope shifted her body until she was face to face with him. They stared at each other for a bit, both waiting for the other to make a move, until Regulus closed the gap between them and pressed his lips against hers.

There was a desperate urgency in his kiss, but it was gentler than Hope had expected. One hand still in her hair, he had gone back to caressing her waist and stomach and he kissed her softly. After a moment, he opened his mouth against hers, encouraging her to do the same. His tongue was in her mouth in an instant and Regulus growled, kissing her harder and reaching to unbutton her jeans.

As his hands explored her, he began to kiss her neck, working up to her ear. His hot breath in her ear, his hand down her pants, and his lips on her earlobe made Hope forget her fear of dying and the cold temporarily. She moaned as he pulled away from her to undo his own pants. Shoving them down he reached for her hand and put it on his cock, wincing a bit when he realized how cold her hands were, but not pulling away. She reached back up to kiss him as she stroked his cock. “Fuck,” she moaned quietly. “Black...”

Without needing further encouragement, he climbed on top of her and pushed her pants down to past her knees. He stopped and looked her in the eyes for a moment, propped up on his arms above her panting, as if asking permission for what they both knew was about to happen. Hope bit her lip and nodded, and he thrust inside her, leaning down to kiss her neck. Again, he was gentler than Hope would have expected. It was too cold to take off more clothes than absolutely necessary, but he caressed her face and hips and thighs continued to kiss her softly. “God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured. “Fuck.”

“Thanks,” Hope whispered and immediately felt stupid for saying it. Aren’t you supposed to say “so are you” or something? Thanks seemed like the weirdest and worst response to that. Hope tried to think of a way to correct her error, but she couldn’t seem to focus. She bit down hard on her lip and grabbed the back of Regulus’ head, pulling him back to kiss her instead.

It felt quicker than Hope had been expecting, all said and done, but time was relative and she had been caught up in the pleasure she wasn’t sure exactly how long he was inside her before he whispered an inquiry about her birth control situation in her ear. It was precisely the sort of thing Hope always imagined could not possibly sound sexy, but did when he asked her. Shortly after her confirmation that she was protected, he growled again and bit her shoulder as he came inside her. Rolling off of her, he muttered a cleaning spell and almost smiled at her.

They both put their clothes back on immediately to keep warm and Regulus turned away from her and whispered, “goodnight”. Hope was still cold, but Regulus no longer seemed interested in being near her, so she curled up in a fetal position and tried to sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, let me tell you something, I got SO SICK of writing this sex scene that at a certain point I just said fuck it, this is good enough. So it’s brief and disjointed, yeah, but I was contemplating just writing “they had sex; use your imagination”, so at least I didn’t do that, right? I’m not the best at writing smut and I wanted to just get on with it because I really like the next chapter.


	5. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're probably already aware of the fact that I wasn't alive in Britain in the 70's and don't intend to pretend, but just in case you forgot--yeah, that's a thing. Oh, also some sad shit gets discussed in this chapter, so be aware of that.

**Chapter 5**

When they woke up the next morning, Regulus didn’t mention anything about what had happened last night. Hope kept glancing at him nervously, but he remained impassive. Nevertheless, he seemed more energized than he had the past couple of days. Both of them benefited from the food they ate yesterday and Hope barely even mentioned how they were going to die out here.

They even had the energy to hunt down lunch for themselves and things seemed to be looking up. Maybe they wouldn’t die after all, and would instead be able to live in the Forest forever and be forest-people. Hope’s shields held strong whenever they stopped for an extended period of time and they were capable of getting out of trouble when they were moving, for the most part. “We’re going to be forest people,” Hope said out loud absentmindedly.

“What?”

“We’re going to be forest people. No one’s ever going to find us. We’re never going to find our way out. We’re just going to live here forever.”

“Oh, so we’re going to live now, are we?”

“Maybe,” Hope conceded.

“Well, I can imagine no greater hell than being forced to live in this forest with you for the rest of my life.”

Hope looked up at him, stung. She had taken last night as a sign that they were finally getting along, but that was apparently a mistake. She didn’t even have an angry retort to throw back at him, she was too hurt. She walked several steps ahead of him for the next few minutes to hide the fact that she was crying again.

After about an hour of walking in silence, Regulus began to feel somewhat uncomfortable. It had been pleasant for a bit to finally have a reprieve from Hope’s near constant attempts at conversation, complaining, and crying. He seemed to have finally shut her up for good. But she was right, being lost in his own thoughts while trying to make his way out of the Forbidden Forest was not pleasant.

“You’re not like your brother, you know,” Hope whispered finally.

“What’s that?”

“I told you you were just like your brother the other day when we fought and got this stupid detention. I was wrong. You’re not like him.”

“Good to know.”

“I like you better.”

“Splendid.”

“I do though,” she insisted. “I think you’re more--I think you’re better than him, even though everyone seems to think that he’s this great, noble, perfect guy. I know that’s not true. You’re more noble than he’s ever been.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I wanted you to know.”

They were silent again for another ten minutes before Hope spoke again. “I have an older sister,” she said. “Her name is Maggie. She’s not magic, none of my siblings are, and I’m glad I don’t have to go to school with her. We used to go to school together and I would always go up to her and try to hug her when I was younger, but she would always push me away. She was too cool to hug her little sister. And then later, if I ever so much as dared to say hi to her, she would do her best to cut me down. One time I walked into the classroom she was in and smiled at her and she just--I don’t remember what she said, but it made me cry.”

“Oh that’s surprising,” Regulus said sardonically. “It takes so much to make you cry.”

“Yeah, whatever. Anyway, everyone thinks she’s the best. She’s my parents favorite. She’s not even my father’s biological child, she’s technically my half-sister. I mean, he adopted her when she was really little and her real dad never comes to see her anymore, but she’s not his blood and he likes her better than the rest of us. The whole rest of my family too. Sometimes my mom sticks up for me when she sees my relatives obviously favoring Maggie, but they all do it. She was always thin and pretty and popular, had more friends than me. People liked her better. So, like--here I am, thinner than her, doing everything that I can to be prettier and feign popularity. Because I need to be better than her, but she doesn’t even care. She’s never felt like she had to compete with me for affection, it was always just given to her. And she’s such an asshole. It fucking sucks.”

She looked over at Regulus when she finished. “You don’t know anything about me,” he said quietly. “Don’t pretend that you do.”

“I’m telling you about me.”

“Why? Why do I care about your problems with your sister?”

“Look, pretend all you want, I’m not stupid. I know what went on with you and your brother. I know how people treat him. I know that you didn’t want to hit me until I told you you were like him.”

“Because I’m nothing like him! He’s a blood traitor. He turned his back on his family and I would never.”

“He turned his back on you?”

“Don’t. You don’t know anything. I don’t care that he left.”

“I _do_ know things. Why’ve you always got bruises whenever you come home from holidays then?”

Regulus froze. “That is none of your business. Leave me alone.”

“Come on, I see what you’re doing. You _want_ people to notice but you can’t bring yourself to tell anyone about it because that would be turning your back on your family, right? That would be betraying them? You try to hide it, but you don’t do it _too_ well, because you’re waiting for someone to care enough to ask you what’s wrong. I’ve been there. I’ve played that game. And I care enough. What happens to you?”

“I told you that you know nothing about me,” Regulus snarled. “You may have convinced yourself that I have as pathetic a life as you do and I’ll just understand exactly how you _feel_ but I don’t and I will not.”

“You’re so defensive.”

“I’m not defensive. I’m irritated. You are an irritating person.”

“If it’s nothing that I think, then why don’t you just answer my question?”

“It’s none of your business!”

“I want to know who hurts you, Regulus, I just want to know!”

Regulus paused, the anger on his face diminishing a bit. She had used his first name. He could count the amount of people he was on a first name basis on one hand, and something about hearing his name struck him. “It’s nothing,” he replied quietly. “I’m not careful. And I can’t use magic outside of school, so I can’t prevent accidents.”

“What accidents?”

His eyes flashed with anger again. “Leave it.”

“I’m not going to.”

They walked in silence for another half hour, both glaring at each other periodically. This time it was Regulus who broke the silence. “Why do you want to know?”

“I care. I really do. I’ve noticed it since your second year. I worried about you. I don’t like you--I didn’t, I mean--but I was concerned. I want to help.”

“You can’t help.”

“I want you to be able to talk to me. It feels better. To say something.”

“I can assure you, it will not,” Regulus said, but he did have the urge to give in. His defenses were low: tired, weak, frightened, and hungry he was not quite as capable of closing off as he usually was. “And besides, it’s nothing.”

“Will you just tell me who?”

Regulus stared at her for what felt like an eternity. Finally he whispered, “My mother.”

Hope didn’t say anything. She stopped walking and pulled him into a tight hug. He tried to wriggle free, but eventually gave up. It wasn’t like the affection was entirely unwelcome. When she pulled back there were tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Regulus.”

Regulus waved his hand in dismissal. “It’s fine.”

“It really isn’t. It isn’t fine.”

“It is though. This is how it’s always been, I’m used to it by now. It doesn’t bother me.”

Hope reached out and squeezed his hand and for a while they just stood there. Then Regulus sat down and put his head in his hands. Hope sat down next to him and muttered the shield charm. Regulus has started now, and he seemed unable to keep the secrets from flowing out. “She doesn’t care about me. She won’t care if I die. My dad is probably the only one who will.”

Hope rubbed his arm and said nothing, allowing him to talk.

“She never wanted me. She tells me that all the time. She would have been happier if it had just been Sirius, she rued the day that I was born. She said once that she used to dream of strangling me to death when I was a baby. She hits. With her fists. She likes the satisfaction of it, even if it is how muggles fight.”

“Your brother too?”

  
“No, no, of course not,” he spat out bitterly. “She loves Sirius. She still wants nothing more than for him to come back and tell her he’s seen the error of his ways. She would welcome him back with open arms. And she apparently hasn’t worked it out that he’s never coming back, he hates her. He hates all of us. They used to get in shouting matches all the time, but she’d never touch a hair on his head. She didn’t even hit me when he was around, she paid too much attention to her favorite son for that. It was when he was at Hogwarts or visiting one of his stupid friends that she...”

“Does your dad know?”

Regulus shrugged. “Yeah, he knows. He’s always nice to me, spends time with me, and he used to make me seafood chowder himself, not have the house elf do it, whenever she went off on me because it’s my favorite. He can’t stop her though. Just, you know, take care of me after. I try to just keep my head down and do everything that she wants but it doesn’t matter because she doesn’t want me.”

Despite his best efforts to remain aloof, Regulus was starting to tear up a bit. Hope looked on sympathetically, holding his hand and rubbing his back and muttering “I’m sorry” every now and again. It was the sort of thing that Regulus would usually find childish and appalling, but he didn’t stop her now. It was comforting, having someone who sympathized with him.

“Do you--does your mom…”

Hope shook her head. “She used to hit us a bit, but not often. She never left bruises or caused serious damage. I’ve never been properly abused or anything. I just--I know what it’s like to have something to hide and secretly wish that someone would find out and save you. Only to find out that no one ever does.”

Regulus wiped the tears from his eyes and looked over at her. Hope had never seen him look so sincere and vulnerable, his cold, above-it-all mask ripped away temporarily. “What’s yours then?”

Hope chewed her lip. It was only fair, really, to tell him. He had opened up to her after all, even if she had figured most of it out on her own. “You can’t tell people. And you can’t help me.”

Regulus nodded. “No.”

“Well, I don’t really eat properly. I guess you noticed that already. I don’t eat enough at all. I just want to be thinner. I’m honestly excited about all the weight I’ll have lost if we ever get back to the castle from walking around all day and eating next to nothing. I bet I look amazing.”

“You don’t eat? Why?”

Hope shrugged. “To be skinny.”

He shook his head. “You’re already too thin. You might as well eat.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“That’s insane. It’s just food. Everyone else manages to eat it.”

Hope glared at him, disappointed in his lack of support when she had just done her best to comfort him. “Well good for everyone else.”

Regulus threw his hands up, “Come on, you know it’s insane right?”

Hope wiped tears from her eyes angrily. “Whatever.”

Regulus cocked his head at her, wondering what she was so upset for. She had to know it was insane, otherwise she wouldn’t be keeping it a secret. And not eating to look bony and thin was a bizarre notion to him. Nevertheless, he found himself feeling a bit bad to have made her cry. Unsure of what to say, he lifted her face towards him, wiped her tears, and kissed her.

 

 


	6. Armed and Extremely Dangerous

**Chapter 6: Armed and Extremely Dangerous**

It had been two days and two nights since Regulus had broke down and talked about his family and he literally had not said a word to Hope since. She tried to talk to him, engage him in conversation, ask him questions, ask him for help...nothing. If something required a response, he responded to it silently. He had returned to his cold, unfeeling, “I’m only around you because I have to be” self and Hope went back to crying several times a day, eating next to nothing, and complaining about the cold and their imminent death.

It wasn’t as if Regulus particularly enjoyed this. Hope’s demeanor had shifted dramatically from obnoxiously and doggedly cheerful to mopey and disheartened and as much as Regulus tried to convince himself he didn’t care, it was a bit depressing. And although the exhaustion, hunger, and overall uncleanliness of the both of them made the prospect somewhat less appealing, pushing her away from him meant no more sex and he couldn’t deny that that disappointed him.

Nevertheless, contact with Hope in any manner beyond the necessary was dangerous. He found himself contemplating leaving her in the Forest so that the information would die with her out there but came to the begrudging realization that if they were both on their own he would likely be the one to die. Which would also solve the problem, but not in any kind of satisfactory manner. Instead, he just stopped pushing her to eat. Maybe she would starve and he wouldn’t have to deal with her again. Maybe he could use her eating issues as blackmail to keep her quiet about his family. Either way, allowing her to heavily restrict her food was satisfying to him.

Hope, for her part, was miserable. Her attempts at engaging Regulus were once again rebuffed after she thought that they were getting along. She still tried to sidle up to him at night, for comfort as much as warmth, only to have him shove her away. He slept with his back to her and walked several steps behind her. He wouldn’t look her in the eye. He didn’t even make scathing comments about her constant complaining and tendency to burst into tears.

He didn’t even tell her to eat. He didn’t even care if she died for his own self-interest. Hope felt rejected and it devastated her. She didn’t like this feeling of being unwanted, especially in the push-pull manner that Regulus was treating her and it frustrated her as much as it made her feel worthless. “Fucking walk, Black,” she shouted back at him. “We haven’t got all day.”

He glared at her and bit back a comment about how they actually did have all day--all their lives, in fact, now that they were forest people. It just wasn’t worth getting into it with her and he had more self-control and dignity than she had demonstrated over the course of their time together. Besides, his silence frustrated her more than any retort he could give.

“Come on. For fuck’s sake!” she said, grabbing his hand roughly and pulling him ahead. He pulled away from her and gave her a look that might have intimidated a less heated Hope. Hope, however, only got further riled up. She reached out and shook him. “Say something!”

Regulus smirked, not even bothering to push her away as she unleashed her frustration on him.

“UUUGGHHHHHH!” She screamed at him, showing him away from her. “You’re such a useless arrogant asshole! No wonder your own mother doesn’t love you! You fucking--”

Regulus laughed bitterly. “You think you can hurt me?”

She shoved him again. “I don’t have to. You already get what you deserve at home. You’re useless,”

“Oh because you have so much to offer the world? You’re so brilliant and special, starving yourself half to death.”

“You should try it some time. Maybe we’ll all get lucky and you’ll die.”

“Gladly. I’d rather be dead than here with you.”

“She should  have strangled you as a baby,” Hope muttered, turning her back and continuing to walk. “Move it or lose it, Black.”

Regulus followed behind her, thinking that this was precisely why he never should have told her anything. She cared about him--how was he stupid enough to believe that? She didn’t want to help him, she just wanted to make a mockery of him. Fucking bitch.

Hope was feeling satisfied that she had finally got Regulus to talk, even if it was only to fight. At least he had said something. That meant that she won. The stupid asshole could be as stubborn and cold as he wanted from now on, she still managed to push his buttons, she still had control.

The two of them continued to wander through the Forest, both armed with each others’ secrets and extremely dangerous but in a Cold War stand off for the moment. Mutually assured destruction kept the two of them quiet for the rest of the day, and the day after that.

*    *    *

Hope and Regulus had both lost track of days, but it had probably been a little over a week when he took off his jacket in front of her. He had to. He had fallen and his arms were scraped pretty badly, so he was begrudgingly allowing her to rub dittany oil on them. So what if she saw? The mudblood bitch ought to be properly frightened of him.

When Hope grabbed his left arm she raised her eyebrows at the symbol imprinted on his skin. “You put that thing on your body?”

Regulus drew himself up haughtily. “I didn’t. The Dark Lord did. Because I am one of his faithful servants and he trusts me implicitly.”

“Told you that, did he?”

“As a matter of fact, he did.”

Hope shook her head. “You’re so pathetic, Black.”

“Oh I am, am I? Forgive me if I’m not concerned with what you think of me.”

Hope laughed. “I think you are. I think you’re concerned with what everyone thinks of you. You’re so desperate for affection you’ll let that maniac put that thing on your arm and tell you what to do. Does he tell you you're special, like your mommy never did? Or is this so you can run home to her and show her what a perfect little son you are? You think she’s delusional for thinking Sirius will ever come back, you’re crazy if you think she’s going to start giving a shit about you. You’re never going to be him and you’re never going be what she wants.”

Regulus gritted his teeth and yanked his arm away from her. “Shut up!”

“It’s just sad, really,” Hope continued, ignoring him. She was aware that she was being hateful and low, but she was already in it now and she couldn’t stop the venom from pouring out. “Everyone in our house treats you like this hero. You’re the fucking Black heir, the Quidditch superstar, all hail our leader Regulus Black. If they knew how weak and pathetic and desperate you really are…”

“I am not weak. I am not.”

“You so are though. Wrapped around your mother’s finger, trying to stay in her good graces, letting her hurt you and then running back for more. If you had any kind of strength you would have left her ages ago. If you were anything like Sirius, you would have run like him. But you’re too weak.”

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

Hope cried out and jumped back. He had cursed her and her arm was now scratched and bleeding, like his was earlier. Tears started to well up in her eyes and her frustration at crying in front of him only made it harder to hold them back. “You idiot. I just made essence of dittany, what’s the point in cutting me?”

Regulus just stood there, pure hatred in his eyes as she rubbed the dittany on her arm. Finally he walked forward and grabbed her chin, pulling her face up to look at him. “You,” he said coldly. “You are the most unpleasant person I have had the misfortune of meeting. You are the epitome of why I think mudbloods are lesser people. You are worthless, you are pathetic. Even you know you’re weaker than me. So you will keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you. I need you alive, but I can make you suffer.”

Hope was shaking with fear when he pushed her away from him. She had been successfully intimidated. Now that she had been shaken out of her fury a bit she no longer felt as if she had won and instead felt like a horrible, hateful person. And she did feel weak, she was weak, she let him scare her.

They both went to bed feeling miserable that night, sleeping as far apart as they could while still under the protection of the shield charm. Miserable, angry, and worthless.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was not a cheerful chapter. I do apologize.


	7. Live to Fight Another Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't occur to me earlier to put in a warning about eating disorders, but as one of my protagonists is anorexic there’s going to be content throughout the story that might be triggering. Probably not the best thing to read if you’re in recovery, basically, because Hope is not. Stay strong <3 Loki

**Chapter 7**

Hope sat by the fire she had built as Regulus slept a few feet away from her. Things had calmed down somewhat in the past couple of days since they had fought. Hope had apologized and she may or may not have cried in the process. Regulus had sat in silence and he didn’t apologize for his part, but he also seemed to accept it.

Honestly, Hope didn’t have any idea what had come over her. She almost never fought with people outside of her immediate family, and even then she would never dream of telling anyone that she thought their mother should have strangled them as a baby. That was just not the type of thing that Hope said out loud. Thought silently in her head when she was furious, for sure, but she was horrified that she had actually told someone that to their face. Her apology was nothing short of genuine.

Since then they had been awkwardly polite to each other. Hope had stopped trying to talk to Regulus unless necessary and left him alone and Regulus responded to her when she did need to talk to him. He had fixed her ankle when she broke it after a tree branch grabbed her and let her sit and rest afterwards, even though she could walk right away. They had even had sex again the other night and although it was a bit distant and awkward it meant that things couldn’t be too bad. It was actually the most they had talked in days, albeit only because he was concerned about the fact that she didn’t have any birth control with her and couldn’t make the potion in the Forest. It didn’t matter though. She was underweight and didn’t get her period anymore, as she assured him.

She used to joke to herself that that was an added bonus of anorexia: she was thin enough for boys to be interested in having sex with her and malnourished enough to never get pregnant. Having sex in the Forest in the winter was pretty ideal as well, she had an excuse not to take off her clothes to avoid exposing her belly. Oh the pluses of being lost in the Forbidden Forest and having an eating disorder…

It did help, though, to be used to functioning on not enough food. It made it easier for her to keep pushing through the days when they didn’t have much to eat. It had been a long time since she had even felt hungry, it just didn’t register in her body anymore. She still gave Regulus more of the food they had but it was no longer really about not wanting to consume the calories, it was about survival. He needed the energy more than she did, she ran on the high of feeling lightheaded and thin.

Hope sighed and was about to put out the fire and go to bed herself when something caught her eye. Gasping, she stepped backwards in horror. Regulus hadn’t been wrong, there was a manticore in the Forest and it was standing in front of her. Her heart pounded as it stepped right up to the outer bound of her shield and roared at her. Regulus jolted awake at the sound, wand out. They both stared, frozen in terror while the manticore continued to paw the ground and roar at them.

“Come here,” Regulus said to Hope after several minutes passed. “Come here, come to bed. There’s nothing it can do to us while we’re here. Come here, just ignore it.”

Hope whimpered and stayed frozen in fear. Ignore it? That giant man-eating beast that was right there staring at her? Not likely.

Regulus crawled towards her and grabbed her hand. “Come on, it’s alright. We’re fine.”

He pulled Hope to bed and she went with him, still staring at the manticore. “We’re going to die…” she whispered. “Die.”

“No we’re not. Just  come to bed. Try to sleep.” Regulus pulled her close to him. He seemed to genuinely want to comfort her. “Come here, it’s alright.”

Hope settled down slightly, still breathing quickly with fear flashing in her eyes, but she laid down with Regulus and curled up against him with her head on his chest. He didn’t push her away and let her lie there until they both fell asleep. When they woke up the next morning he immediately extricated himself from her, but for now he let her be.

* * *

“How long does it take before they stop sending search parties because you’re presumed dead? A week? Two? Do you think we’re already dead?”

Hope had started talking again, back in a chatty mood now that Regulus was no longer openly hostile towards her. “Years,” Regulus responded. “You have to be gone for years before you’re presumed dead.”

“Oh.” Hope looked down at her hands, looking for signs of aging. “I guess we aren’t old, we probably haven’t been in here for years.”

Regulus had to fight a smile at the absurdity of that. “It has definitely not been years.”

Hope turned to him and grinned. “But it will be! We’re forest people now. God, I need a shower. My hair is like, crunchy. Look, it’s legitimately crunchy, it’s the most disgusting thing ever, see?”

Regulus raised his eyebrows at her. “Why on Earth would I want to see ‘the most disgusting thing ever’?”

Hope shrugged. “I don’t know. Curiousity. Ugh. I wish I could take one last shower before we die out here. I need to bathe. Badly.”

“I can tell.”

“Hey, it’s not like you’re in any better shape!  Been out here as long as I have.”

Regulus looked down at himself. She wasn’t wrong. His clothes were covered in dirt and bloodstains and had marks all over from the less than perfect patching jobs Hope did every time their clothes ripped. Truly, it was the most disgusting thing ever. To Hope’s surprise, he started laughing.

Hope stared at him. She had never seen him so much as smile in a non-sarcastic way, let alone laugh. And here he was laughing, legitimate mirth written on his face. “What’s so funny?”

Regulus gestured around. “This. Us. Everything. We’ve been in this forest for Merlin knows how long and we’ll probably never find our way out and it’s--we’re _actually_ forest people. I, Regulus Black, heir to the most well-known and respected pureblood wizarding family in Britain, am a forest person now. And I look...disgusting.”

Hope smiled. It was a bit funny how absurd it was to see the snobby, stuck-up younger Black with mud and leaves in his hair and half-healed wounds on his face.Especially now that he was laughing with wild, almost manic eyes. He looked like an insane homeless person, certainly not a wealthy pureblood heir.

“I’m going to die looking like this. My mother will hate that.”

“You think we’re going to die too?”

Regulus shrugged. “Probably. If they haven’t found us by now and we haven’t found our way out. Yes, it is likely we will die out here.”

Hope groaned. “Nooooo. You think we’re dying too. All hope is lost.”

“Well, you haven’t died yet.”

Hope stared at him again. He was grinning, actually grinning, at the lame pun he had just made. Hope laughed. “But we’re dying. Hope is dying.”

“You always were though, weren’t you? You can’t very well stop eating and expect to live.”

“Well, it’s not like I never eat anything ever. I eat enough to stay alive. Just, I mean, not really. I don’t know. I haven’t died yet. People live for quite some time half-starved. I probably won’t actually die. And I mean...it’s not so terrible to die.”

“You complain about dying every single day. Multiple times. And now you want to tell me that you don’t mind?”

“Well...yeah, it is silly isn’t it? I can be suicidal all day and still be terrified to ride a broom in case I fall off and die. It’s just...I don’t know. I don’t know why that is. I don’t think it’s the dying that scares me, it’s the pain beforehand.”

“So of course you go for starvation, the slowest and most painful death imaginable.”

“I don’t do it to die though. I know you think it’s crazy, it is. And I know you don’t get it. But, it’s like the one thing that makes me special, makes me better than everything else. When I haven’t eaten all day I can watch my friends shovel food down and feel superior because I have more control. I can look at people who aren’t super thin and just know that I’m better than them. It makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. It’s fucked up, I know, but I can’t help it.”

Regulus nodded. “No I get it. That is how I feel about being pureblood. It’s exhilarating to feel like you are above everyone else.”

“Do you think it’s fucked up too?”

He paused for a minute and thought about how to respond. Of course he knew what he should say was that he did not, he thought that it was the way that things should be. He should be proud to know he was better than her. But he was in an uncharacteristically good mood and they were going to die anyway, so what was the point in pretending? “Yes. But I can’t help it.”

“I can’t say I don’t blame you,” Hope said slowly. “For joining up with that crazy asshole who wants to kill me and everyone like me. Because I definitely do. That’s horrible and you should feel bad. But I guess I see why it would appeal to you. It feels good to be in control.”

“Precisely. It’s terrifying how good it feels.”

“Do you--do you hurt people?”

Regulus looked uncomfortable, but he responded. “Not really. I don’t really do much, as I am still in school, other than try to get my classmates to support the Dark Lord. But. I have. I had to. It’s sickening afterwards. Not really because I know that I am willing to do it, but to know that I enjoy it. Hurting something helpless.”

Hope was starting to look terrified and Regulus shook his head. “It’s not--I don’t _want_ to do it, even if it is....thrilling. I don’t want to be like _her_. But it’s do or die out there. I have no choice.”

“You always have a choice,” Hope said quietly.

“Yes, that’s exactly what people say who have never been in a situation like mine. You like to fancy yourself all self-sacrificial, I suppose. That’s useless too, there will just be someone to take your place. Might as well live to fight another day.”

Hope shuddered. “You’re a monster, you know?”

“I am very much aware.”

“It’s--I know this sounds absurd, but I’m not trying to judge. I have it in me too. But my parents raised me to be kind and empathetic and compassionate, so that’s what I pretend to be. I don’t know, I do what I have to do to and that’s to be loving. But your parents raised you to be hateful so I guess it’s no surprise. But just--that’s awful.”

“I really am aware. I hate it. I hate that part of myself. But trust me when I say that I have no other choice.”

“Well, we’re forest people now. You don’t have to follow all that bullshit. I won’t tell anyone.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Regulus replied. “I can’t do that.”

 

 


	8. Safe Space

Chapter 8

 

“What do you mean you can’t? You can’t treat me like a decent person while we’re alone in the forest together? Why not?”

Regulus looked affronted. “Have I not treated you decently?”

“Not even a little.”

“Well. I certainly try to be polite. But I cannot just turn off a part of myself just because no one’s watching. No one can see what you look like, are you going to start eating like a normal person?”

“No,” Hope admitted. “Because I can tell, I’ll know if I get fat. You don’t even want to act like--you don’t want to follow him do you?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. I’m sorry if that offends you, but I’m proud to serve the Dark Lord. I may not--agree with his methods, but his message is good and he is pleased with my work.”

“You’re telling me your happily serving someone who wants me and my loved  ones under his thumb. I should probably be more concerned than I am. I’m not though.” Hope tilted her head and looked at him. “I suppose you haven’t hurt me thus far. Except when you punched me in the fucking face. And you don’t _seem_ like the kind of person who would--I have a hard time feeling like it’s real.”

“Lucky you.”

“But see--it’s stuff like that. You don’t want  it to be real. So--so it doesn’t have to be.”

Regulus almost seemed to consider this before slowly shaking his head. “I have responsibilities. I have expectations I have to meet. I have a family name to uphold.”

“You don’t. Not here. The only expectations you have to meet here are mine. Go back to being an obnoxious little brat the minute you step foot out of this forest if you like, but don’t pull that shit with me.”

“Or what?”

“Or...I don’t know. I’ll be disappointed in you. I think you can be better than you act, Regulus.”

“We are what we do, are we not?”

“No. That’s nonsense. If I was what I do, I’d be a sweet, naive little people pleaser. I can assure you I am not. I’m manipulative, is what I am. And you’re not an insane person hell-bent on banishing the muggle-borns. You’re scared, and hurt.”

“I am not scared. And I’m not hurt either.”

Hope shook her head and patted him on the shoulder condescendingly. “It’s ok to admit you’re scared here, Regulus. This is a safe space.”

Regulus was about to tell her to shut up when she started giggling. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Therapy. My mom made me go to therapy and you had to laugh at some of the things they would say and genuinely mean.”

“What’s therapy?”

“Oh, uh, it’s when you go to someone and talk about your problems and feelings and they try and help you fix them. It’s pretty useless, in my experience.”

“Why would anyone want that? You just sit and talk about your feelings?”

Hope laughed. “Not if you’re me you don’t! I lied for a year to my therapist so that she would let me quit therapy. It’s really supposed to make you feel better so you’re not miserable all the time. It helps people, I guess, if you do it properly.”

“So you were miserable all the time?”

“Regulus, I have to admit, I am still miserable all the time. But my mom send me to therapy because some older boy molested me when I was 11.”

Regulus looked at her in shock at the completely off-handed way that she had just mentioned being molested as a child. “I’m...sorry?”

Hope shrugged. “It happened. I know I’m s’posed to feel all sad and hurt about it, but I just...don’t. It all feels really distant, like it happened to someone else. So I guess it’s fucked up not to feel upset about it, but I don’t.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“I dunno, is it?”

“Not being upset sure sounds like a good thing.”

“Sure, then it’s a good thing. Way to go, me. I am apparently,” Hope’s voice became solemn, “very strong for surviving such a tragedy. That’s what they said, anyway. I just kept going. What other choice do you have?”

Regulus shook his head. “I wouldn’t know anything about that. I’ve never--I would never--”

“But you know about surviving. Do you feel strong after living with your mother?”

“Not likely. I feel powerless. And I am weak and spineless for staying in the house, according to my darling brother.”

“Your darling brother is an idiot. If I believed half the things he’s said to me...he’s a sadistic sociopath, so I guess if that’s your definition of strong, sure he’s super strong.”

“You really do hate him.”

“I _really_ do.”

“Was he that awful to you.”

“He memorably told me that he had no idea why the guy who molested me would touch such an ugly girl and asked if I had to use polyjuice potion to ‘get him to’. My fifth year I tried to kill myself and he knew about it because Remus Lupin was the one who helped me threw it all. About a week after he told me I ought to do it properly next time. So you tell me.”

“He gets out of hand. He can certainly be...brutal. Lupin was your friend?”

“Yes. Is. We keep in touch. He’s a great guy, I’ve no idea why he’s friends with Sirius.”

“He didn’t stick up for you?”

“We-ell. He tried. There’s only so many times he could tell Sirius off, you know, I didn’t try to drag him into all that.”

Regulus shook his head. “Weak. Spineless.”

Hope frowned. “Now that’s not fair. He just--ho my fucking God!”

Hope had walked into what she thought was large puddle and within seconds she was waist deep in a dark sludge. “What the fuck is this? What is this?! What’s happening? Regulus!”

“Ok, ok, calm down.”

“Calm down?!” Hope practically shrieked. “I’m being swallowed by mud!”

“You are not being swallowed. You’re not sinking anymore. Can you move?”

“I can’t feel my legs! REGULUS! I CAN’T FEEL MY BODY!” Hope frantically tried to get out, but only managed to get her arms stuck too.

“Ok, ok, forget that. Do not move. Stop trying to move. I--”

“I can’t move! I have nothing to move. I’m being _swallowed_ by MUD!”

Regulus reached out and tried to pull her arms out, but she was stuck fast. Regulus stepped back and thought about what to do. “Get me out of here! What are you doing?”

“I am trying to think! Let me think. I’m not sure what to do, unless you have some great solution you’ve decided not to share.”

Hope shook her head. “Just...think quickly!”

“Ok, um. Well I’ve got an idea...I don’t know if it will work. You might not like--”

“Just try it, try it!”

“Alright. _Levicorpus_.”

Hope screamed as she flew up into the air with alarming force, ripping her out of the mud violently but effectively. She hung upside in midair shouting, “Let me down, let me down, let me down!”

“I tried to warn you! Hush for a moment, I need to concentrate on getting you down properly, ok?”

Hope bit her tongue--literally--to distract herself from the terror of hanging in midair after being forcibly ripped from a person-swallowing puddle of mud, while Regulus brought her back down, away from the mud, and with only a slight bump to the head. “Ow.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “You’re fine. Come on, stand up, you’re alright,” he said offering her his hand.

Hope stood up and rocked a bit on her toes. When she was steady she walked over and shoved Regulus. “Don’t you talk about my friend like that. He is _not_ spineless.”

Regulus looked shocked. “That’s the first thing you have to say?”

“That’s the first thing I have to say. I’ll fight anyone with bad things to say about Remus. He’s my friend.”

“He wouldn’t do the same for you, though. You’ll jump to your ‘friend’s’ defense but he wouldn’t stop his friend saying you should kill yourself. What kind of loyalty do they have in the Gryffindor house?”

“Pretty much none,” Hope admitted. “But he did say something when Sirius told me to kill myself. Even Potter thought it was out of line. It’s just that they both came back later to apologize for Sirius and tell me that he didn’t mean it and was just angry and blah, blah, blah. Remus will forgive Sirius anything. That’s just how he is. And in fairness, he listened to me rant about how much I hated Sirius without getting angry with me.”

Regulus shook his head. “Regardless, I would never let someone speak to you like that. And I have it on good authority that I am both weak and spineless.”

Hope grinned. “Right. Well. Thanks for getting me out of there. I’m all covered in sludge still and you ripped my shoes right off my feet, they’re still in there.”

“ _Accio shoes_.”

“Oh. Right. Uh, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Can we sit for a bit? Being swallowed by mud drained me a bit.”

“You were not being swallowed by mud. But fine, we can rest.”

Hope chewed on her lip while they sat and kept glancing over at Regulus. Finally, he looked at her, annoyed, and said, “Have you got something to say?”

Hope sighed. “I just--uh--I want to know. What it’s like. Being a Death Eater.”

“Oh, it’s rainbows and puppies.”

“I’m curious.”

“A healthy curiosity for your age?”

“Exactly. Why’dya have to hurt people? Is that super impolite to ask? I’m asking it anyway, but you can pretend that I feel bad if it is.”

Regulus sighed. “You probably have no idea what it’s like out there. We are not just permitted to stroll around recruiting for the Dark Lord without getting in trouble with the Ministry. And the Aurors do not joke around. It does not matter to them that I am only 16 and still in school. I am the enemy and they fight to kill. I keep myself alive.

“Sometimes it is necessary to be a bit. ah. cruel in order to achieve that goal. If we are to keep one step ahead of the Ministry then we need to know what they are planning. And most people are not willing to divulge that kind of information without certain...persuasion. I do what I have to do to stay alive. I do not regret it.”

“So you kill people to keep yourself alive?”

“Kill peop--I do not _kill_ people.” Regulus looked genuinely appalled at the suggestion and Hope calmed down a little. “We don’t kill people. Not unless we need to.”

“Need to?”

“To stay alive. For the greater good. You might not agree, but wizarding rule will make the world a better place. It is what is necessary.”

“So that makes it ok to torture people?”

“You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette.”

“Sure. But people aren’t eggs. And a wizarding apartheid isn’t an omelette.”

“Apartheid?”

“The minority ruling the majority. What you’re trying to do.”

“Yes. Why are you so interested? Are you thinking of joining?”

Hope stared at him. “Me? You’re joking. I’m muggle-born. They wouldn’t let me join.”

Regulus shrugged. “I can’t say you would get the best treatment or much respect at all, really, but they certainly would let you join. If you are for the cause, why not? It’s rumored that the Dark Lord has werewolves and other half-breeds working with him. At least you are fully human.”

“Oh. Great. No thanks. I’d rather not get branded and join a prejudiced cult that is specifically prejudiced against me.”

Regulus smirked. “He would not give you the mark. That is for his inner circle only. It is not just given to anyone, only the people he trusts the most.”

“And you’re proud about that? Being in the Dark Lord’s inner circle?”

“Of course. It is an honor.”

Hope shook her head at stood up. “Someone should have hugged you more as a child. C’mon, we can walk now.”

 

 


	9. Familial Love

**Chapter 9**

Regulus was not generally a morning person. If he had the opportunity he would sleep until noon every day, but he was rarely blessed with such an opportunity. When they were younger and Sirius still lived at home, Regulus used to sneak into his room after they had been sent to bed and they would practice what magic they could do and play games in the dark until their mother inevitably found them and dragged Regulus out by the ear to throw him back in his own room. It was always Sirius she yelled at for being a bad influence on Regulus, but it was Regulus that got the brunt of her physical anger. The morning after, though, they would both be allowed to sleep in because their parents had given up on trying to get Sirius to obey them and if Regulus crawled back in to sleep in Sirius’ bed they would give up on him too. He would wake up sore from a mixture of sleeping with his brother in a bed made for one and the rough handling of his mother, but it would always be worth it and he would always be ready to do it again.

There had been one time, Regulus was around seven at the time, that their mother did not merely shout and throw Regulus back into his room. That particular night she was not just angry, she was terrifyingly furious and exploded at the two of them. Through the years Regulus would learn to read the signs that she was working up into a terrible rage, but at the time it took him and Sirius by surprise. The memory wasn’t clear to Regulus. He remembered an intense and painful burning sensation and Sirius and his mother screaming at each other. He had faded out of consciousness sometime before they stopped and woke up in Sirius’ bed, his arms covered in welts and his brother kinder than usual. Nevertheless, Sirius never let Regulus in his room after bed again. And his mother had apparently learned not to go after him in front of Sirius.

Regulus had grown up knowing that Sirius’ room was the safest place to sleep in the house and the only place he was banned from. After Sirius went to Hogwarts, he wondered if he kept his brother out of his room because he remembered that night or if he just lost love for him. Either way, a good night’s sleep after restless nights spent in bed worrying about the rapidly deteriorating state of his family, the last argument they had playing in his head, was hard to find after that. The next day’s argument would inevitably wake him up.

Today it had been the sounds of the forest that woke him up before Hope, before the sun had started to rise. It was harder to sleep in here than it had been at home--Regulus jolted awake at the first sound of trouble. He was a trained light sleeper, his fight or flight instincts ready to kick in the minute he heard anything out of the ordinary. Most times he was able to pass out from total exhaustion after, but not this morning. This morning he was properly unsettled.

Hope lay quietly on the cushions only inches away from where he slept, peacefully sleeping. She was a large part of his nerves. Hope both grated against them and encited them. She was a catalyst in all possible ways, full of anger and energy and a fierceness that Regulus was unused to confronting. Most of the positive feelings he felt for her were sexual desire, or at least that’s what he told himself, but he couldn’t deny an underlying feeling of...feeling. And all feeling left him vulnerable to her. He wished he could have been stuck in the woods with one of his more unlikeable enemies or a casual friend, rather than this girl who incited both rage and desire in him. He didn’t feel feelings like this, not since the first time his brother had announced that Regulus brother was not his family. Not since his mother had spit in his face and told him he was worthless. Not since his father had given him a sympathetic look and told him that there was nothing he could do but keep his head down and stay out of trouble.

Everyone learned to push away their emotions, to some extent, Regulus figured. It was the purity of his blood that allowed him to suppress his emotions so truly and to remain calm and cool. After all, Sirius was hardly able to maintain the same calm, likely because he was a blood traitor. And the mudblood, Hope, was an outpouring of emotion. Her half-blood friend, Casielle, was a brash and outspoken bitch. He was lucky to be able to shut off his emotions. It was unlucky that she made him feel things he had trouble controlling, but, he reasoned, she was nothing. He did not need to concern himself with his feelings for her because she was nothing but a consequence of being a teenage boy stuck in a dangerous situation with a young woman. He repeated this to himself as she stretched her body out on the cushions and he watched her wake up.

“Morning,” she said sleepily.

“Morning,” Regulus replied, watching her stretch and curl up alternatively, clearly unwilling to get out of bed. She looked at him.

“You’re not usually up before me.”

“You kept me up snoring.”

“I did not! Did I?”

Regulus smirked in reply. She hadn’t, but he wasn’t going to say that.

“Oh. Well. I’m sorry. I usually don’t. Or I guess if I do my sister doesn’t notice. She always falls asleep before me and she’s the one who snores. I share a room with her. Didn’t used to, but ever since my youngest brother was born I had to share with her.”

“How many siblings do you have? How small is your house?”

Hope rolled her eyes. “Our house is normal sized. And three. I have my older sister, Maggie, and my two younger brothers, Mark, and Eric. Eric is the baby, he’s a lot younger than me. He’s my favorite sibling. Is that bad to say? I guess you wouldn’t know, you’ve only got one, but Eric is for sure my favorite. I would kill everyone in the whole world for him.”

Regulus raised his eyebrows at her. “Is that so?”

“It _is_ so! And Mark, he’s younger than me too, I’d kill a lot of people for him. He...well, he takes after me in some ways--not eating mostly. Which is my fault. I’m older, I’m the one who started all this shit...I know I’m the reason he stopped eating and started caring so much about his weight..” Hope made a face that Regulus was used to seeing when she was acting concerned for him. He must have showed irritation on his own face because she said, “I’m sorry. It’s just hard to see...hard to know. I did this to myself, right, and that doesn’t bother me. But I feel like I brought my brother down with me and that’s not fair.”

“Why? You didn’t make him do anything.”

“Because...he’s my younger brother. It’s my job to look after him and set a good example for him. And every time I try to talk him out of it I just look like a giant hypocrite. I am the worst sister ever. I _know_ what I need to do for Mark, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I am nothing but an example of what not to be and God help me, he is following in my footsteps.”

“That bothers you?”

Hope looked at him, maintaining uncomfortable eye contact as she said, “Of course it does. My younger brothers...they’re my responsibility. When they are falling, I need to save them. That is what you do for your siblings.”

It was Regulus’ turn to stare at her intensely. Hope blushed.

“I’m sorry. But that’s the way it was for me, you know? I looked after them, I had no choice. Our mom wasn’t really in the best place to raise us when we were young and Maggie left us the moment she could. She didn’t actually run away, but she went to summer camp and college and never looked back. And all of a sudden I was left to look out for our younger brothers and to deal with mom because she wanted to be free. She left us to fall apart. Good for her, I guess, but I can’t help but feel bitter. Being the peacemaker is...hard. You should count yourself lucky that you were the youngest.”

“But you didn’t have to look after them..Your sister didn’t. Why would you stay when she left?”

“Because I can’t leave them. They’re my family. I grew up putting their needs above mine, that’s just the way it was. You’d know if you had younger--” Hope stopped at the sight of Regulus’ face. He was visibly upset. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Regulus shook his head. “I just...you really love your brothers.”

“Yeah, yeah I really do. I would do anything for them. That’s how it’s supposed to be, you know. Your older sibling is supposed to give the whole world over for you, that’s what I try to do for Mark and Eric. I’m just...I’m not in good shape to do it. Maggie was, but she wasn’t ready for it, I suppose…”

Hope paused as she watched Regulus start to cry for the second time since they had gotten lost in here. It was unsettling seeing someone who was habitually smugly in control break like that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

Regulus shook his head, wiping his eyes quickly. “It’s nothing. I just... your brothers are lucky.”

Hope made a face and replied, “I don’t know about that. I may care, but I don’t do all that well by them.”

“At least you do care.”

Hope crawled over to Regulus and hugged him. He made a half-hearted attempt to push her away but she was undeterred. “I care about you too,” she assured him. “I care about you. I care about you making it out alright, I want you to be alright.”

Hope continued to murmur words of comfort until he suddenly sat up straight, shrugging her off and trying to look dignified. He sighed when Hope kept looking at him with questioning eyes.“What?”

“Are you mad at Sirius? For leaving?”

“No,” he insisted.

“You have to feel bitter. Don’t you feel bitter? Or am I just an asshole?”

Regulus stared at her in silence, refusing to calm her unsteady emotions. Hope shrugged and reached out to hug him again, a hug he warily accepted.

“I’m sorry. I’m being weird this morning. I’m just...I feel a lot of anger. For me. For you. I wish...I never should have brought all this up..”

“You really love your brothers? You would really kill for them?”

“Absolutely. They’re my brothers.”

Regulus looked at her carefully for what felt like an eternity. “Would they kill for you?”

Hope shrugged. “Probably not kill, but yes, they have my back.”

“Because they love you?”

“Because they love me.”

Regulus’ expression softened. “What’s that like? I’ve always wondered.”

“What’s what like?”

“Being loved.”

Hope chewed her lip and thought for a moment. “It’s like...safe. It feels safe. I always have a home I can go back to. My mother, for all her flaws, does truly love us no matter what, so whenever I fuck my whole life up I know I can still go home and she’ll help me. I’m sure people love you, though. Your dad. People. I dunno.”

Regulus laughed. “Thanks?”

Hope smiled and curled up next to him with her head in his lap. “I aim to please.”

It was early in the morning and Regulus Black, covered in dirt, tear tracks running through the filth on his face, let the mudblood girl sleep on his lap and stroked her hair absentmindedly while thinking about love. Perhaps being in the Forest really was like being in another world.

 

 


	10. Out of Woods

**Chapter 10**

Hope adored sleep. She was normally the first of her friends to crawl into bed and curled up and slept in the corners of parties when she went out. Whenever things were unexpectedly rescheduled and she had an extra hour of free time, she rejoiced in the opportunity for an impromptu nap. Sleep was a sacred experience to her. Part of this was a result of chronic malnutrition and a lack of energy to power through a full day. She also preferred to sleep than to deal with uncomfortable situations and would end a bad or uneventful day by turning in early. One time she had taken a sleeping draught at 5 pm because she had nothing else she wanted to do that day and just wanted it to be over with. She occasionally fantasized about being in a coma so that she could sleep for years and wake up with a large chunk of her life over.

She tended to wake up depressed as a result. Whether it was an alarm or her body’s desire to regain consciousness that woke her, she was always disappointed to not be able to sleep longer. Waking up every day meant living through another day, fully conscious, until her next opportunity to fall back into sleep. She usually showered first thing in the morning and had a good cry before facing the day, but she couldn’t shower out here in the Forest. Instead, she was resting on Regulus Black’s lap quietly crying while he pet her hair. It vaguely registered as an absurd experience, most notably because he was not even mocking her for crying all the time, but it was too comfortable for her to care much. If she was going to get through this day, she was going to need some comfort. She was pretty certain it had been two weeks since they first got lost in here, but for all she knew they were struggling for a month or more. Although she would walk out of the Forest with a chunk of her life over and done with, surviving out here was nothing as relaxing as she imagined being in a coma would be.

“Do you really think that no one loves you?” she murmured eventually.

Regulus jumped a bit, as if jolted from his own private reverie. “Sometimes. Not really. I sometimes wonder though, who would really be there for me if I really fucked up. I’m pretty sure only my house elf. Maybe my father but...if I became a disappointment to the Black family name I don’t think he would want to support me. My friends sure wouldn’t. My girlfriend claims she loves me but--”

Hope jolted upright. “Your _what_?!”

“Uh, my girlfriend?”

  
“Uh, your girlfriend? Since when have you had a girlfriend.”

Regulus looked thoughtful for a moment before replying, “About 2 years, I suppose.”

“Wha--and you didn’t--you didn’t think to mention that?”

“Why would I mention her? She’s rather boring. I don’t see why she would have come up.”

Hope stared at him. “I can’t tell if you’re being purposefully obtuse or if you’re actually just a thoughtless idiot.”

“Well that was uncalled for. I don’t talk about her much. I don’t think she would mind.”

“You don’t think that _maybe_ she would mind that you slept with some other girl? You don’t think that perhaps _I_ would mind that you have a girlfriend?”

“Oh. That. No, it didn’t occur to me.”

“What are you a sociopath? Or do you not understand how girlfriends work?”

“It honestly just didn’t occur to me that you would care. Most girls don’t. I understand how girlfriends work, but it’s not as if I’m head over heels for Cass, she’s just...my girlfriend.”

“Jesus fuck, most girls don’t? You mean there are other girls? What the hell are you even dating her for if you don’t like her and you fuck other girls?”

“She’s pureblood. And bearable. I do not have the widest options.”

“That makes it ok for you to let her fall in love with you when you clearly don’t give a damn about her? Why not just not have a girlfriend? They’re not required, you know.”

Regulus looked a bit taken aback by her sudden attack. “I don’t think she is actually in love with me. She might think she is, but I doubt it. And I do care about her, I take very good care of her. It isn’t like I let her know about other girls or rub it in her face. I am a good boyfriend. And I need a good pureblood girlfriend, it looks bad if I don’t. Besides, it’s stops anyone else asking for a proper date.”

“You are _unbelieveable_. Unbelievable. How can you actually delude yourself into thinking that you’re a good boyfriend when you cheat on her regularly and use her as a tool to sleep with girls without having to commit to them? That’s disgusting. You are disgusting. God, I liked you better when you were talking about how great it felt to torture people.”

“She’s _happy_. I fail to see what the problem is. You can moralize all you want, but what does it matter if we are both happy?”

“Because your whole relationship is a lie?”

“And? It doesn’t hurt anyone how could it be wrong? Everyone walks away happy. Explain to me how that makes me a horrible person.”

“Because--because---because it’s _wrong_.”

“What makes it wrong? Honestly, Caldwell, what makes an action that hurts no one wrong? Your personal feelings about it?”

“It--it just--it _is_.”

“Ah, of course. An astonishingly convincing argument, Caldwell. You have me completely converted now.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Black. You _know_ it’s wrong. You have to know that’s no way to treat people.”

“I most assuredly do not.”

“Christ. Didn’t your parents teach you right from wrong?”

“No, they did not. And I never called myself a good person. But I refuse to apologize for making someone happy.”

“Well you’ve made _me_ upset.”

“How unusual. I beg your pardon if I don’t actually care.”

“Of course you don’t actually care. You’re a fucking sociopath.”

“I am not. Disagreeing with your foolish moral principles does not make me a sociopath, it makes me a man with a basic level of intelligence.”

“Oh please, you’re a child. You can talk like you’re royalty all you want but--”

“Perhaps you haven’t understood me. I am royalty. I am the Black heir. And whatever my behavior in a state of exhaustion and hunger--which I am sure you are perfectly familiar with--may have led you to believe, I will always consider you beneath me. You will always have less worth in this world than me. If calling me a terrible person makes you feel better about it, so be it.”

“I’m not calling you terrible because I _feel_ bad about myself, I’m calling you terrible because you _are_.”

“Really, Caldwell, you ought to be a politician with those masterful arguments.”

“Really, Black, just fucking kill yourself.”

Regulus chuckled. “I’m not the one who tried, remember? Your skill in that area clearly matches your ability to make a solid point.”

Hope glared at him looking like she wanted to cry or punch him in the face, or both. “You know I was actually starting to think you were alright. I thought you were better than your family, but you’re just--you’re just--ugh.”

“Well spoken as always. Such a pleasure to sit here and chat with you but perhaps we should get going?”

“No--don’t you--you can’t just treat my like that! You don’t get to treat me like I’m worthless and pretend like you never gave a damn about me! What the hell is _wrong_ with you?”

“Look, this isn’t getting anywhere. You aren’t going to get an apology out of me, although I admit it was my mistake for not informing you of all the details of my personal life before daring to touch you. So can we move on, please?”

“Fine. Fine. We can just--did you hear that?”

Regulus nodded. “Yes. It sounds like--”

“HOPE! REGULUS?”

Hope and Regulus turned to look at each other and grinned, their anger quickly fading away. There were people here. To rescue them. They were finally getting out of here. “WE’RE HERE!” Hope shouted. “HERE! We’re not going to die out here, Regulus!”

“I can take a shower. And eat food.”

Hope threw her hands around him in excitement and he hugged her back with an elated expression on his face. Hope hugged the two Ministry workers who had found them too, and continued to hug everyone she saw as she left the forest. People! Real people! She was free!

Regulus walked slightly behind her, nodding his head absentmindedly when asked if he was alright. While Hope chattered endlessly about what had happened, naturally, Regulus walked gleefully out of the Forest in silence. He wasn’t even irritated by the ease with which the Ministry workers got them out of the Forest and back on Hogwarts grounds, a task that proved impossible for him. He was going back to his real life. He didn’t have to be a filthy forest person anymore.

 

 


	11. Back to Reality

**Chapter 11**

16 days and 16 nights. They had been lost in the forest for 16 days and 16 nights. _16 days_ and _16 nights_. 16 _days_ and 16 _nights_. 16. Six- _teen_. The school had allowed two students to be trapped in the Forbidden Forest for 16 days and 16 nights. Quite a few people were angry about that. Regulus and Hope were simply in awe. They had survived being forest people for 16 days and 16 nights. And now they were back in the castle.

Upon their arrival no one was allowed to greet them other than Dumbledore himself and their parents. Regulus’ mother was notably absent. They were whisked away to the Hospital Wing almost immediately and, upon their arrival, Hope crawled into one of the beds appreciatively and promptly fell asleep. Regulus was more inclined to stay awake and talk to his father, but Madam Pomfrey was so overbearingly attentive to his health he went to sleep as well soon after to get some peace.

They had been in the Hospital Wing for a day and a half when Hope suddenly burst into the room grinning and hopped on Regulus’ bed. “I showered!” she exclaimed, holding out her arms to show their cleanliness. “I have clean clothes on! And makeup! I look like a person again!”

Regulus shoved her off the bed and grumbled about her energy levels, but he had to admit that she did look a lot nicer. It was almost like a movie transformation, when they take the glasses off a nerdy girl and let her hair down and all of a sudden she’s beautiful. Except instead of glasses it was weeks worth of grime and general uncleanliness replaced with some flattering make-up and hair product. He rarely saw Hope around before they were stuck in the Forest and he had forgotten what she looked like when she was properly presentable. She was fairly attractive, although her almost unearthly thinness was still quite off-putting.

“I look like a person,” Hope muttered again, looking down at herself.

“What did you look like before then?”

Hope looked up surprised, apparently unaware that she had been speaking out loud. She blushed and shrugged. “I don’t know…”

Regulus grinned at her. “A forest person?”

Hope returned his grin eagerly and nodded. “Exactly. But there is still a person under all that forest.”

Regulus narrowed his eyes. “I think the jury’s still out on that.”

“The what?”

“The...jury?”

“You know what a jury is? You all don’t have juries! Do you? Have you had juries this whole time and I just didn’t know? I never saw a jury when I was in court. Why wasn’t there one? There was just a bunch of old people who asked uncomfortable questions.”

“The Wizenmagot?”

“I dunno. The old people who asked uncomfortable questions.”

“Right.”

“So...juries?”

Regulus made a face. “Isn’t that something you people say?”

“It is. It is something muggles say. Why do you say it?”

“I must have overheard it here. This castle is full of mudbloods like you.”

Hope looked down at her feet, hurt. She had been caught up in the excitement of being alive and rescued and was fooled by Regulus’ initial friendliness, so much so that she forgot how cutting he normally was. She shrugged her shoulders a bit and made to walk away before Regulus stopped her.

“Wait. Wait, why were you in front of the Wizenmagot?”

“Oh...for stuff. I had to tell them stuff.”

“Ah. Well thank you, Caldwell, it is as clear as day to me now.”

Hope closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry,” she muttered. “I don’t like talking about it.”

Regulus looked at her in shock. “There’s something you don’t like talking about?”

“Yeah. I guess...I’ll just get back...I was reading a book. I’m going to go...do that.”

“Hold on. You haven’t said what it was that you did to get yourself in front of the Wizenmagot.”

Hope was visibly upset and embarrassed, but Regulus was either unaware or didn’t care. “It’s not important. Sorry."

“Well of course it’s important! They don’t take you to high court for a minor infraction.”

“They didn’t--I wasn’t--it’s not--” Hope stammered.

Regulus raised his eyebrows at her expectantly and her face flushed. She glanced around anxiously before saying, “I had to testify. About the boy. When I was 11. That’s all.”

“I thought you said that didn’t bother you.”

“It doesn’t. But I don’t talk about it. Ok? I don’t _talk_ about it. Just...leave it please?"

Regulus shrugged but left her alone. Hope bounced up and down on the balls of her feet anxiously before walking away and returning to her book.

***

The second she entered the Slytherin common room for the first time in almost a month, Hope found herself embraced in a hug. "You're alive! Oh my god, Hope is here! She's back!"

Hope grinned sheepishly as a number of her housemates turned to glare at her in a decidedly unwelcoming manner before welcoming back their star seeker. “Hi Ann.”

“Oh my god I was worried sick. Oh! We all thought you were going to die! I thought they were going to find your corpses!”

“Er...well here I am. Alive.”

“It’s a wonder you survived so long out there with only Black for company. How did you manage?” someone asked sardonically, glaring in Regulus’ direction.

"It wasn't so bad, actually. He was...kind of alright."

Marianne raised her eyebrows. "Kind of alright? Him? Was he unconscious the whole time?"

Anntoinette giggled and punched her friend lightly on the arm. "Oh please, Marianne, he isn't that bad. I'd say he's kind of alright myself."

Hope laughed. "You've said more than that about him."

"Well, and I don’t regret it! He’s dashing.” Ann sighed. She glanced over at him and blushed as he caught her eye and smirked before turning back to his friends. “Gods, he just smiled at me…I’m a bit jealous of you, to be honest, Hope,” she said looking back at her friends.

Marianne shook her head. “Don’t be. I’m sure Hope is just being polite and she had a miserable time. The asshole punched her in the face! Kind of alright probably means he didn’t do her any bodily harm out there.”

“No, really, he wasn’t all that bad. Look, I’ll tell you guys about it later, alright?”

Ann pulled her into a hug again. “Ok, sweetie. Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re alive!”

***

Hope winced as Ann shook her by the shoulders. “Are you _fucking_ serious?”

“No...I’m fucking Regulus. Or, well, I was. I just said.”

“Ugh!”

Hope grinned. “You set yourself up for that one.”

Marianne nodded in agreement. “You really did. But honestly, Hope? Black? It’s not like it’s any better than if you really _were_ fucking Sirius.”

Ann looked as if someone had just slapped her in the face. “Not hardly! You can’t tell me that the most beautiful boy in Hogwarts’ history is as bad as his arrogant twat of an older brother! That’s...that’s sacrilege!”

Marianne shrugged. “It’s true though. He’s just as much of a twat as his brother.”

“He isn’t,” Hope mumbled.

“What was that, dear?”

“He isn’t. He isn’t as bad as his brother. He can be...he can almost be sweet, in a weird way. He’s just--you know--he’s just a Black. It’s pretty much in his blood to be an asshole, but I don’t think he wants to be.”

“Oh I didn’t realize you and Black were having deep heart to hearts in the Forest while you made love to each other under the night stars every night. How endlessly romantic. Are you going to get married now? Regulus Black and the mudblood of Slytherin?”

“Don’t be such an ass, Marianne, she just nearly died!”

“Yes and now she’s come back with all these affectionate notions about Black! You don’t know the family like I do, you don’t know how badly this will come off for her.”

“She said he was fine! He’s different!”

Marianne snorted. “Sirius thought he was different too. Didn’t stop him from being a complete asshole to anyone he deemed unworthy. Surely you remember how badly her attempts to befriend him ended?”

Hope sighed. “Look, it doesn’t matter. He just slept with me because we were cold and scared. It’s not like he cares to do it again. He’s got a girlfriend.”

“Well of course he’s got a girlfriend. He’s Regulus Black. Didn’t you know that?”

“Oh, how shocking, he didn’t bother to tell her he had a girl he was cheating on…”

“Marianne, stop! Can you give him a break for one second?”

“No, I most certainly cannot! He punched our friend in the face, used her for sex, and then ran back to his stupid girlfriend the moment he got the chance, I think he’s had quite enough chances to show us all what an ass he is.”

Marianne’s face softened when she saw the expression on Hope’s face. “If it’s any consolation, his girlfriend got drunk the other night when she thought he was dead and I just happened to be there to...comfort her.”

Hope and Ann both giggled at that. “Good lord, do you sleep with every woman that’ll have you?”

Marianne shrugged and grinned. “Apparently Black and I have that in common.”

Hope sighed at that and collapsed onto her bed. “I thought he was likeable, you know. In the Forest he was--I don’t know, he was different. Less of a dick.”

“Well, you had to know that wouldn’t last.”

Hope shrugged. “I didn’t. But then I also didn’t think we’d ever get out of there.”

Ann sat down on Hope’s bed and stroked her hair. “Well at least you got good sex out of it, right?”

“Mediocre at best.” Ann made a pained face and Hope laughed. “We were in the Forest, dirty, and freezing half to death. It wasn’t exactly the kind of sex you read about in fairy tales.”

“I never read about sex in my fairy tales. Wizards must do fairy tales wrong.”

Hope laughed again, her formerly forlorn face lit up with amusement. “Fairy tales was perhaps not the word. Fantasies?”

“Mmmm...any sex with Regulus Black is sex from my fantasy.”

Marianne rolled her eyes. “You’re obsessed. You both disgust me.”

Ann grinned and cuddled up next to Hope. “But we’re adorable. Ow!”

Marianne had jumped on top of the both of them to tackle Ann until Hope laughed so hard she fell off the bed. It was good to be back.

 

 


	12. Beginnings

Chapter 12

Anntionette first became aware of the existence of Regulus Black in her third year of Hogwarts through a boy who had, at the time, been a mutual friend. She still blushed and cooed over boys that she liked and wrote their names in hearts in her notebooks, as many thirteen year old girls do, and she took an immediate liking to Regulus. She found reasons to be around him often and sometimes even dragged a begrudging Marianne with her to eat lunch with him. He had a constant air of superiority that drew Ann in and a disdain for her that mirrored her own teenage self-loathing.

She asked Marianne to teach her how to behave like a proper pureblood a month after meeting him. Marianne refused point blank, so Ann had to do the best she could on her own and never ever mentioned that her mother was a muggle. She did away with everything in her life that harkened to the muggle world while she was at school and attempted to blend in with the purebloods. This was not entirely due to Regulus--there were growing tensions in the house that made it unwise to flaunt her half-blood status--but she did it gleefully because of him. She was head over heels infatuated with him.

In October of her fifth year he fell asleep on the couch in the common room and she saw him alone there on her way to the kitchens for a midnight snack. She sat near the couch and held his hand for approximately twenty-two minutes while imagining a picture perfect life with him. She then stood up, brushed the hair out of his face, and kissed him on the mouth before skipping away to the kitchen. It was a silly thing to do, she knew, but he had been asleep the whole time and no one else was there. No harm, no foul,

Sometime around Christmas holiday that year her journal went missing. She went into a panic looking for it, worried that one of the Gryffindors had gotten their hands on it. It was missing the entire month of December and no one had claimed to find it so she eventually forgot about it and moved on. Perhaps she had left it in Hogsmeade and someone threw it out. Maybe it was somewhere in her belongings and she would run into it sometime. After a year of hearing nothing about it, she was certain there was nothing to worry about.

It was seemingly inexplicable that none of this came back to haunt her until the end of her sixth year. Regulus had already grown noticeably tired of her affections and attention by then and everyone was prepared to go off for summer vacation. Truly, it was an odd time to strike, but strike Edgar did. Armed with a photo of her kissing an unconscious Regulus and some choice excerpts from the journal of an obsessively enamored teenage Ann, he made her a complete laughing stock to the entirety of the Slytherin population. In the agonizing two weeks before summer break, Ann was made highly aware of her friend’s betrayal by almost all the boys in her year. She vowed her revenge.

Ann told her friends about the incident to a degree, stating that Edgar had apparently fancied himself in love with her and grown bitter watching her fawn over Regulus. He thus informed the Slytherins of some of the more humiliating expressions of her own love. She did not, however, tell them all of the story and she certainly didn’t tell them about how two days before the end of the year feast she ran into Regulus, his girlfriend Cass, and his friend Rosier and received the humiliating verbal assault of her young life. It wasn’t public and the rumor mill never seemed to catch wind of it, but the way Regulus had sneered at her and insulted her left a lasting impression on her mind.

Summer break came quickly and the students of Hogwarts quickly forgot about the embarrassing details of her crush. She herself made light of it when it came up, acting as though her feelings hadn’t changed and occasionally making tongue in cheek references to her crush on the boy who was still, admittedly, the hottest piece of ass in Hogwarts. Nevertheless her confrontation with Regulus weighed on her. It wasn’t like she’d kick him out of bed or anything, but she wasn’t prepared to have any conversations with him in the future.

oOo

Marianne was five when she first met Regulus. She didn’t remember it. She was almost eleven when she met him again, about to go off to her first year of Hogwarts. During that visit she spent most of the time quizzing Sirius about what it was like there, what classes they taught, which teachers she should avoid, and what sorting was like. Sirius had been rather dismissive of her and when he did respond to her questions it was usually with some snide remark about how she didn’t need advice from a Gryffindor or a taunt about how the ickle firstie had to learn. Marianne didn’t tolerate much of that before she stormed away to talk to his brother.

She was a distant cousin of the Black brothers on their mother’s side--her father’s. Her family, the Fawleys, were wealthy and well-known purebloods who left aside most of the malice and hatred of the more traditional pureblood families, but still placed importance on the purity of blood and kept company with other purebloods. Marianne was bribed to come along with her parents’ on these visits with new clothes and toys and she received only the best toys for coming to the House of Black; rumors of how intolerable Sirius was were practically all the rest of the pureblood families would talk about.

“Want to see my new broom?” she asked Regulus.

Regulus tilted his head and stared at her for a moment as though he had no concept of what a broomstick was before nodding his head. She ran to get it and held it out to him with great pride. He shrugged at her. “I’ve got a better one. Couldn’t your parents afford better?”

Marianna pouted at him. “Well! I liked this one best.”

Regulus scoffed. “Impeccable taste.”

She stayed to fly with him anyway, motivated to best him and prove that her broom was superior. She wanted towipe the smirk off his smug little face. However, it was pretty clear after a while that she was no match for him on a broom. At one point she tried to race him and he did the worst thing he could do to her--little 9 year old Regulus Black let her win. It was obvious to her he hadn’t really tried because he thought she was so pathetic a loser she needed his condescending offer of victory to feel accomplished.

He also told her she was pretty. She hated that.

oOo

Ann pulled at the threads coming loose on her shoes moodily while Marianne sat with her jaw set and her arms crossed. Hope was staring at her star chart with a look of great concentration in an attempt, but they had long ago abandoned their efforts. “Is everything alright with you guys?”

Ann put a fake grin on her face and nodded. “Everything’s fine.”

Marianne rolled her eyes. “No it isn’t fine. She’s been moody ever since she found out you slept with her lover boy.”

Hope blushed and glanced over at Ann, who shrugged and continued to stare at her shoes. “You’re mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you. It’s not like, a big thing. Marianne’s the one who’s mad.”

“Wait--why are you mad?”

“Because that stupid prick doesn’t deserve you! You should have never let him touch you! You’ve barely been interested in any boys in our entire time at Hogwarts and now all of a sudden you run off and sleep with--with--with a Black! You let him _charm_ you, I thought you were better than that.”

“I--I’m sorry?”

“You should be sorry! I don’t want to have _another_ friend fancy the asshole. It’s bad enough with Ann here getting doe eyed every time his name is mentioned…”

Ann glared at Marianne. “I am not doe eyed. I think he’s attractive. No one ever said he was the love of our lives, Marianne.”

Marianne threw up her hands. “Did someone give you some potion to make you two empty headed? I didn’t think you were the type to make poor decisions because there’s a boy with a pretty face involved.”

Hope bit her lip and blushed, but Ann shoved Marianne grumpily. “Could you just shut up about it? No one judges your sex life.”

“I don’t sleep with poisonous people.”

“Well aren’t you wonderful.”

The three of them sat in silence for a couple minutes, Ann and Marianne going back to their sullen positions from earlier and Hope glancing nervously between the two. “Look, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings or, or upset you or whatever by sleeping with him. I guess it was a bit impulsive. I just needed some comfort. I wasn’t exactly thinking about how it would affect you guys.”

“Ugh. But you never do, do you? Just...you ought to stay away from him.”

Hope smiled half-heartedly. “Not a problem. We aren’t exactly on great terms anyway. And I really am sorry Ann. I knew you liked him, I should have thought.”

Ann shrugged and said nothing.

Hope laid awake that night, anxious that both of her friends now hated her because she had betrayed them. Consumed with anger at herself and at Regulus, for single-handedly ruining all the good things in her life, she got out of bed to go for a walk


	13. Repulsive and Ill Advised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intend for this to be smut when I started writing it, but it is smut, so fair warning

**Chapter 13**

Regulus groaned as he worked his way through two weeks worth of History of Magic homework that had accumulated while he was lost in the Forest. His other professors had given him reasonable deadlines or lessened the amount of his makeup work, but Binns was ruthless. He expected Regulus to be caught up within the week, which meant falling behind on all his work in other classes because he was apparently laboring under the delusion that Regulus was at Hogwarts solely to take History of Magic and had literally no other responsibilities.

Evan Rosier looked over from his bed. “What are you whining about, Reg?”

“This History of Magic homework. What is so important about an essay on the goblin revolutions that it needs to be turned in in a matter of days? Is it truly urgent that I have this knowledge?”

Evan snorted. “I think I have my essay somewhere if you want to look off it.”

Regulus shook his head. “What good is that? When I get an O in this class it will be meaningless because you earned it for me.”

“That’s stupid. You earned it by being smart enough to use your resources and copy my essay. And we both know you’d get an O on it anyway, this just speeds up the process.”

“No, no...I need to earn it properly. It will be a lie.”

“Who would know it was a lie but you? Still get the glory.”

Regulus gave him a reproachful look, “What on Earth do I care about what other people think about my grades? The only achievement they need care about is my birth. I was conceived superior to them.” He shook his head. “I’m earning pride in myself.”

Evan stared at him for a minute before bursting into laughter. “You’re so full of it, Black. You pride yourself on the ability to write a History of Magic essay? You need to get a life, if that’s the case.”

Regulus chewed on his quill, turning back to his essay. “I probably do.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Why would anything be wrong with me?”

“That’s what I’m asking you. You’re acting...strange.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Evan. I am behaving as I always do.”

Evan sighed and considered his friend. Regulus still looked exhausted from the weeks he spent in the Forest and he was far too thin. He looked like a walking corpse and, lately, he’d been acting like one. He hardly seemed interested in engaging with Evan and looked annoyed that he had bothered him at all. “You never cared this much about homework before.”

“Well, I didn’t have two weeks worth of it to do all at once before either, did I?” The annoyance in Regulus’ voice was apparent and he kept his eye fixed on his essay as he said it. For a few minutes Evan said nothing and Regulus relaxed a bit.

“Was it that mudblood girl? Is that why you’re avoiding us all?”

“I’m not avoiding you at all,” Regulus snapped. “I’m here in this room with you, aren’t I?”

Evan waved his hand. “With your head in a book! And yeah, yeah, I get it, you have a lot of makeup work. I think you could spare a minute.”

“Well, quite honestly, I cannot.”

“It is about the girl, isn’t it? Even Edgar thinks it’s about the girl.”

“Edgar doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It’s not the girl. I’m busy.”

Evan shook his head. “It’s not like we’re all going to turn our backs on the Black heir if you slept with her. It isn’t a big deal, alright? I mean it’s not like you’re the first--”

Regulus slammed his book shut. “Merlin’s sake, Evan, it is not about the girl.”

“About what girl?”Edgar said as he walked into the room. Regulus groaned and threw up his hands.

“Regulus here was just about to tell us all about the mudblood girl and his adventures in the forest with her, weren’t you?”

Regulus glared. “No, I was not. I was just leaving.” He walked out of the dorms and into the corridor, his hands clenched unconsciously in fists.

oOo

“What are you doing here?” Regulus hissed as he caught sight of Hope.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be a rule abiding prefect?”

Regulus glared at her. “You are intent on ruining my life, aren’t you? What have you said to Edgar, exactly?”

“I don’t talk to your friends. I haven’t said anything.”

“Oh no? Because apparently rumor has it that I condescended to have sex with a filthy mudblood like you.”

“That is what happened!”

“Shut up! Don’t fucking tell people alright? I want to forget I ever met you. I want you to forget I ever talked to you. Just stay the fuck away from me.”

“Look, Black,” Hope said through gritted teeth. “You’re the one who ran into me. I’m perfectly happy staying away from you. I’m perfectly happy to forget that slept with such a vile human being. I don’t want people knowing that anymore than you do.”

Regulus stared at her, panting with anger, and didn’t respond. He just stood there, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Well? Black? You understand?”

Before Hope could really register what was happening he had her pinned up against a wall. He’d shoved her and kissed her so forcefully she was sure it would leave bruises. She considered, of course, pushing him off her. She considered telling him to fuck off. She really seriously thought about telling him that she found him repulsive and in no way wanted to have any kind of sexual contact with him at all. However, what she ended up doing was clasping her hands around the back of his neck and kissing him back just as fiercely.

“Fucking mudblood whore,” he muttered as he backed her into an empty classroom and closed the door behind them.

“Oh, I’m the whore? You’re the one who--” He kissed her to silence her before she finished the statement and proceeded to rip off her clothing. “You’re fucking--don’t rip that shirt, I love that shirt!”

Regulus paused after tossing the shirt aside and looked at her. He grabbed her hard by the neck and Hope began to wonder about bruises again. “Could you please, for the love of all that is good, shut the bloody hell up?”

Hope’s only response was to blink rapidly and, taking that as assent, he shoved her head away and focused on taking off her pants. He had them off and was kissing her hard again, pressing aggressive kisses against her jawline and the underside of her neck. Then he pulled away from her again, leaving her gasping, and took off his own clothes. Pulling her back towards him, he pushed her shoulders down. Caught somewhere between resisting and complying, Hope awkwardly got on her knees in front of him and he pulled his hands off her shoulders and into her hair.

“That was a bit rude!”

Regulus tugged on her hair a bit and said, “Didn’t I say shut up?”

Hope did shut up for a moment as she contemplated the task at hand. It was not one she had ever agreed to doing before; she thought it a bit disgusting. But a mix of anger and hormones were coursing at full speed in her body and she was ready to try if she could manage without looking like a totally inexperienced idiot. Which, she was sure, she could not.

“Don’t even know what I’m doing…” she muttered.

Regulus bit his lip. “You’re fucking killing me, is what you’re doing.”

He was about to just give it up and pull her back up to her feet to attack her mouth again when he felt her tongue run across the bottom of his cock. He moaned appreciatively and tightened his grip on her hair.

Taking a deep breath and wishing herself luck, Hope proceeded to put him in her mouth entirely and suck. It really wasn’t that complicated, after all. Regulus’ panting and occasional moan of “Merlin, yes” and “fucking bitch” above her encouraged her and she dug her hands into his thighs. She did pause however, when she heard him murmur, “You’re such a fucking cunt.”

She pulled away from him. “Excuse me?”

Regulus moaned and bit his lip again as she pulled away from him. It made him look so sexy that she almost abandoned the issue and returned to her ministrations. Almost, but not quite.

“What the fuck?”

“I am not a cunt! You can’t say that to me!”

“Oh? What are you going to do about it?”

Hope glared at him and then shook her head and went back to her previous engagement. He sighed in satisfaction and closed his eyes. Then Hope bit down, not unbearably hard, but hard enough. When she felt his hands drop out of her hair and move to push her off she grinned to herself. To her surprise, though, he didn’t push her away and bit his finger to stifle his moan.

“You liked that?” Regulus didn’t respond. “That’s fucked up.”

Regulus’ hands returned to her hair as he kneeled down to her level. “Would you stop trying to have a conversation when I’m trying to fuck you?”

He didn’t give her a chance to respond before kissing her, pushing her down on the floor, and crawling between her legs. And she was hardly capable of responding when he began to fuck her as hard as he had been kissing her while sucking and biting at her neck, her lips, and her tits. She was reduced to moans and words like “fuck” and “God” and “feels amazing”; exactly the way Regulus liked her best.

oOo

Hope glared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She was covered in bruises and bite marks from the ill advised and overly enthusiastic sex she had just had with Regulus fucking Black. Her friends were going to _kill_ her.

 


	14. Regrets

Hope examined the damage after her morning shower and weighed the likelihood that she’d be able to hide it from her friends. Tilting her chin upwards, she noticed the hickey on her jaw and shook her head. Unless she wore a ski mask, she wasn’t going to get this one past anyone. She made a face at the mirror. He had fucking yelled at her for telling people he had slept with her (she _didn’t_ ) and then made it immediately impossible to deny that fact. Fucking Black.

Giving it up, she walked to her dormitory. Ann was the first to notice.

Ann laughed. She stood in front of Hope and laughed until she cried. “What the _fuck_?” she finally gasped out. “Hope! What did you do?”

Hope blushed deep red. “I was just--it’s not that bad is it?”

“Oh it’s bad. It is noticeable as fuck.”

“And you’re not...cross? You don’t hate me?”

Ann shook her head. “Mad? Of course not. This is _hilarious_. Our sweet prim and proper little Hope is covered in hickeys. I’m sure you’ve got more, too.” Ann reached towards Hope’s sweater and lifted it up off her belly.

“Stop! Ann!”

“Holy hell. He was not pulling any punches.”

Hope groaned and put her head in her hands. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Babe,” Ann said. “I cannot for one second blame you..”

Harley Singer walked out of the bathroom and let out a low whistle. “Someone had fun last night, eh, Caldwell?”

Hope blushed again. “Shut up.”

Marianne looked at her and curled her lip. “Just so you know, Hope, you’re out of the forest. What’s your excuse now?”

Hope chewed her thumb and looked at Marianne miserably. Marianne continued to stare her down, while Hope gave her a pleading look.

“Oh give it a rest Marianne,” Ann said. “It’s none of our business who she screws.”

“You’re just taking her side because you fancy him too!”

Ann rolled her eyes. “Sides? There’s no sides.”

“Whoa. whoa, whoa,” Harley said before Marianne could offer a snarky reply. “ Who are we talking about?”

There was a pause as the girls stared at each other for a moment. Finally, Hope blurted out, “Regulus. Regulus Black.”

It was Harley’s turn to laugh. “You? With Regulus Black? Why would he want _you_?”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Marianne snapped.

“Well, he’s Regulus _Black._ Black heir, quidditch star, handsome. And it’s not like Hope is Miss Popular over here…”

“Oh shove off Harley,” Marianne snarled. “Hope’s a million times to good for him. He’s _lucky_ she condescends to sleep with him.”

Harley rolled her eyes and walked out of the room. “Thanks,” Hope muttered, staring at her shoes.

“I may disapprove of your choices, and I _do_ , but fuck if I’m going to let that snobby bitch imply you’re not good enough for that asshat.” She glanced up at Hope. “Jesus Christ though, Hope. You look like you’ve been in the weirdest fist fight ever.”

Hope grinned a bit. “You should see the other guy.”

oOo

Regulus groaned and banged his head repeatedly against the bathroom wall. “Stupid. Fuck,” he growled.

“You alright in there, mate,” Evan asked.

“I’m fine!” Regulus responded and stopped banging his head. He looked in the mirror. He didn’t look nearly as bad as Hope, at least not in areas that couldn’t be easily covered. He had a mark or two on his neck, just above where his collar would fall, but they weren’t noticeable. The worst of it were the scratch marks from Hope’s appallingly sharp nails, but they were all down his back and could remain hidden. It wasn’t the marks that were bothering him though. He eyed the shower.

He’d already showered minutes earlier. He showered when he got back to his dorm last night. It would really be quite excessive for him to shower again. But he felt the need to scrub the mudblood off of him. How had he slept with her _again_ ? And people _knew_. His mum would go mental if word got back to her. He yanked off his towel and turned on the faucets, then stepped into the hot water again.

When he stepped out of the bathroom Evan glared at him. “What took you five fucking years? We’re not going to have time for breakfast at this rate.”

“Go on without me then. I still need to do my hair.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “You’re such a girl sometimes.”

Regulus clenched his jaws. “I most certainly am _not_. I take pride in my appearance. I hardly think that’s a bad thing.”

“Taking pride in my appearance is a thing girls say. I rest my case.”

“And _that_ is something someone lazy and unattractive would say.”

Evan snorted. “Please. It’s not my fault I look as good when I roll out of bed than you do after you’ve done your hair and makeup and painted your nails.”

“You wish.” Regulus paused for a moment focusing on his hair. “And I haven’t got makeup on. My face is naturally this beautiful.”

“Such. A. Girl. Come on, let’s go pretty boy.”

Regulus grabbed his bag and walked out of the door. “Which is it then? Am I a girl or a pretty boy?”

Evan looked Regulus up and down. “Hard to say, really. I suppose you’re a bit flat-chested for a girl.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Likely because I’m not a girl.”

“Trust me,” said a girl who walked up behind them and put her hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Reg is not a girl. Very much not.”

Evan raised his eyebrows. “More information then I strictly need, Cass.”

The girl grinned at him before turning her attention to Regulus. “Have you been avoiding me, love? I feel like I’ve barely seen you since you got back.” She pouted. “I worry about you, you know.”

Evan gave Regulus a pointed look that he avoided. He put his arm around Cass’ waist. “I’m perfectly fine. I’ve just got a lot on my plate with all my makeup work, haven’t I?”

Cass sighed. “I _suppose_ your studies are more important. You could at least eat meals with me though.”

“That’s precisely what I’m doing, isn’t it?” Regulus asked, sitting down at the Slytherin table.

“Well, _yes_ , but you haven’t been lately. I’ve missed you.”

Regulus shrugged.

When they were finished eating, he and Evan went off to Charms, while Cass went to Astronomy. “Come see me tonight,” Cass whispered in his ear before walking away. “Our usual place. 8 o’ clock.”

Evan looked over at Regulus after she left. “So.”

“So what?”

“It is about the mudblood. That’s why you’ve been avoiding Cass.”

Regulus growled. “Will you just leave it?”

Evan shrugged. “I’m right though.”

“Yes, you’re bloody well right, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make it into a whole thing, alright?”

Evan grinned. “I knew it. How was she?”

“Look I don’t really want to think about it.” Regulus shuddered slightly. “Frankly, I’d like to forget it happened. I feel...dirty.”

“But was it worth it?”

“She was decent, alright? Does that satisfy you?”

Evan grinned wider. “Yeah, alright then. You don’t need to avoid us all though, Reg. I’m not going to hold it against you. And I won’t tell Cass. So stop being so withdrawn and mysterious.” Evan raised the pitch of his voice and said in a mocking tone, “I worry about you, you know?”

Regulus chuckled and sat down for Charms. It was a bit of a relief that Evan knew and didn’t mind. But Cass presented a different problem. She was going to be waiting for him and he would either have to turn her down and raise suspicion or explain why he had scratch marks all down his back. He sighed. This had been such a fucking mistake.

oOo

When Hope walked into Astronomy class a few of the boys wolf-whistled at her. She tugged up her collar self consciously. “Don’t be pigs,” Marianne snarled at them, but they just laughed.

Hope sat down and put her head on the table. “What is my life? Was it not bad enough that I got stuck in the Forest? Was that not enough punishment?”

Ann patted her on the back. “There, there, love. We’ll get you fixed up. There’s a charm for--”

“Right. Fuck. We can do magic. You couldn’t have brought that up earlier?”

Ann shrugged. “I figure you could hold out until Bulstrode gets here. She’s the best at it.”

Hope groaned. “Bulstrode. You want Cassiopia Bulstrode to help me cover up the marks her boyfriend left all over me when he fucked me silly last night? Sure, that sounds about right.”

Ann shrugged. “Well it’s not like you have to tell her, ‘oh by the way, this was from my night with Regulus.’”

“She’ll find out. She’ll find out and she’ll kill me.” Hope tugged at her hair. “Half of Slytherin already knows. She’ll hear about it. I’m dead.”

“It’s just rumors. She’s not going to believe it. Look, it’ll be fine. Here she comes. Oi, Bulstrode! Give us a hand?”

Cass walked over and performed the charm. She giggled and it sounded like the tinkling of wind chimes. She was unreasonably beautiful, in Hope’s opinion. And charming. And smart. And of course Regulus had a girlfriend like her. She chewed her lip when Cass walked away to sit at her seat. Harley was mean, but she had been right. There was no reason for Regulus to be interested in her. It had only been the Forest, and now that they were out, he’d tire of her. She’d just be a regret, a mistake.

She put her head back on her desk and put her hands over her head.


	15. Not a Victim

**Chapter 15**

 

After dinner, on the way to the common room, Regulus grabbed Hope’s upper arm and dragged her protesting into a classroom. “Is this a thing now? You just drag me into classrooms against my will to yell at me?”

Regulus arched his eyebrows at her and said coolly, “Who says I’m going to yell at you?”

Hope shrugged. “Well aren’t you?”

“No. As a matter of fact, I need a favor.”

“Maybe I’m not inclined to do you any favors!”

Regulus sighed. “Must you be so impossible? You are good with healing spells, yes?”

“What’s it to you?”

“ _ Honestly,  _ Caldwell. Compose yourself.”

Hope made a face at him and kicked at the nearest desk. “You assume I’m going to do what you want, but I can just leave, you know?”

“Go on then, if you’re going to be useless.” Hope stood for a minute frowning at her feet. Regulus stood across from her with his arms crossed and an annoyed expression on his face. After a while, Regulus broke the silence. “What is it you want, exactly?”

“Who says I want anything?”

“Well you’re here aren’t you? As you have so helpfully pointed out, you can leave. You must want something from me, what is it?”  
“I wanted you to be different,” Hope said softly, still refusing to look at Regulus.

Regulus scoffed. “Different from what?”

Hope finally looked up, a forlorn expression on her face. “Different from your family. Different than--than everyone thinks you are. Just...different. But you’re not, are you? You’re just the same.”

“I never claimed to be otherwise.”

“No, but...no but I thought that you were.” Hope sighed. “I thought you  _ wanted  _ to be different than Sirius. Isn’t that why we’re in this whole mess to begin with?”

Regulus paused to consider this. He had forgotten in all that followed their arboreal exodus the reason their lives had ended up entangled in the first place. But of course it was to do with Sirius. What fucked up aspect in his life didn’t, in some way or the other, originate with Sirius? “I do not  _ want  _ to be different than Sirius.” A half truth. An admission of his childish desire to be exactly like Sirius, which had long since been at war with his predominant need to differentiate himself from his older brother. “I  _ am _ different than him.” Another half truth.

“Whatever,” Hope whispered, her eyes drifting back down to her shoes.The two of them stood in silence once more.

“Look, it’s your fault I am here.  _ You  _ left scratches all down my back and I would be much obliged if you would heal them. Please.”

Hope smirked a bit. “Let me have a look.” Regulus made a face, sighed, and reluctantly turned around and pulled off his shirt. Hope brushed her fingernail tracks on his back with the pads of her fingers and Regulus felt a knot in the pit of his stomach in response to her touch. “Yeah I can heal those. Here,” she said and removed her hand and muttered a spell.

Regulus felt a tingly sort of warmth spread through his lower back and up to his shoulders. “Thank you.”

Hope ran her fingers along his back again. “Good as new.” She frowned. Paused. “Regulus?”

Regulus turned back around to face her. “Yes?”

“You asked what I want?” 

“Get on with it...”

Hope bit her lip and bounced up on her toes. “Well. I think. If you were different from your family, that would be  _ easier _ . But I wouldn’t care if I didn’t want you though, would I? I suppose what I want is--is  _ you _ .”

Regulus shook his head. “No you don’t. You desire me to be something that I am not and will never be. You want the version of me that you find--palatable. You do not want  _ me _ .”

“No I don’t think that’s right. I want you. You’re an arsehole. And you likely hate me, I know. But I just... _ want _ you. I can’t help it.”

“You most certainly can.”

Hope sighed and looked up at him. She lifted her hand up to Regulus’ face, her thumb running across his bottom lip. “The thing of it is. I don’t think I can,” she murmured and she slid her hand into his hair and kissed him. 

Regulus reached out his hand to push her back, but he hesitated halfway through the motion. Hope felt  _ nice _ . Her hand tugged at his hair just hard enough to create a gentle sort of tension there, her other hand felt soft and warm against the bare skin of his chest, and her lips against his made a heat course through him that was rather pleasant. She felt nice, and frankly Regulus was tired of denying himself things that felt nice.

His hand settled against her cheek and he stroked her face with uncharacteristic tenderness. After losing himself in a moment of self-indulgence, he pulled away from the kiss to mutter, “No marks this time. Play nice.”

Hope grinned. “I’m always nice. Aren’t you?”

oOo

Hope ran her hand against the skull and snake on Regulus’ left forearm. Half-asleep, Regulus let her without comment. He was leaning with his back against the wall of the classroom in his boxers and undershirt, and a pair of socks that he hadn’t felt inclined to remove. He looked at his socked feet curiously. “At what point--”

“This is--” Hope started at the same time. “Sorry.”

Regulus’ eyes fluttered closed. “Go on. I had nothing of import to say.”

“Oh. Um. I was just going to say. Your,” she gestured at his arm. “Why’ve you got it? Just to frighten people with?”

“Are you frightened?”

Hope looked at it and frowned. “A bit. Not of you.  _ For  _ you. He uses it to mark what he’s killed, yes? He’s marked you as one of his victims.”

Regulus looked at her with a curious expression. “No. That’s not what it is for. It’s so he can summon us when he needs to. It burns when he calls.”

“That just makes you sound like a branded slave. He burns you to call him to you? That’s not really dispelling the victim thing.”

“It’s just a method of communication, honestly. It doesn’t hurt, not properly.”

Hope sighed. “It’s a bit barbaric though, isn’t it?

Regulus shifted and turned to face Hope. “I am not a victim. You understand? I am not a victim.”

“It’s a mark of victory. Of conquering. Don’t you see? You’ve just found another master to serve, it’s no better than--”

Regulus grabbed Hope by the neck and pushed her back against the classroom wall. “It is not like that. I am not a victim. I am taking control of my destiny. I am getting the power I  _ deserve. _ ”

Hope sat still and didn’t say a word until he finally took his hands off her neck and sat back. “What were you going to say then?”  
“Oh,” Regulus said distractedly. “I was going to ask at what point people take their socks off during--oh fuck me it’s almost 8 pm.”

“Got a date?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do,” Regulus replied, scrambling into his clothes.

oOo

“Sorry I’m late love,” Regulus said, pulling Cass towards him. “I got a bit held up.”

Cass sighed. “You  _ aren’t  _ avoiding me are you, babe?”

“No. No of course not. I have missed you, I really have.”

Cass smiled. “Did you think about me? When you were in the forest? Did you wish it was me by your side instead of that filthy mudblood?”

“More than anything,” Regulus whispered in her ear, and he genuinely meant it. Had it been Cass, he wouldn’t be in this twisted position with Hope. Although exactly what position that was he could not seem to get a hold on.

Cass leaned forward and kissed him, raking her hands through his hair. Her grip was tight and firm, pulling him towards her like the world depended on it. Regulus hummed into her mouth and pushed her up against the wall. Within minutes she had him undressed and he sighed in pleasure as she lowered herself onto him. His arms settled on her waist and she had moved her firm grip from his hair onto his ears, tugging at them in an almost painful way as she kissed along his jawline and down his throat. He whispered encouragement and affection into her ears while I love you’s tumbled from her lips.

They sat together for a while afterwards, with her head on his chest, her long hair draped across his stomach. Cass looked utterly content and Regulus wondered for a moment if perhaps she truly did love him. Why could he not just be satisfied with this? She didn’t send fire through his bones the way Hope could sometimes, but she used to. In the beginning she had. Hope was nothing but a new girl, a new fling. That’s all he felt. The rush of something new. Cass was pure though. Cass was a proper pureblood young lady. She was something permanent and real. And in the end, stability meant more to him than a sudden surge of passion.

But when Regulus finally crawled into bed in his dormitory, he realized he had spent the whole time with Cass thinking about Hope bloody Caldwell.


End file.
